TO: All Live Nation Regional Managers
FROM: Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation
DATE: October 24, 2023
RE: Brakence Sets 2027 Tour Logistics
Please review these mandatory operational guidelines immediately. As you know, Brakence sets 2027 tour dates starting four years from now. This delay is necessary. His new album Marrow dropped last Friday. Fans require at least 36 months to comprehend its hyperpop glitch arrangements. Do not panic. Our audio engineers need this time to patch our subwoofers.
Venue Acoustic Preparation
Our standard sound systems will melt if exposed to these audio stems today. Brakence sets 2027 tour schedules specifically to allow venue upgrades. We must install secondary cooling units near every mixing console. Engineers will need specialized ear protection. The complex vocal chops might trigger existential dread in unprepared roadies. We cannot afford another workers' compensation claim.
“The human ear needs years of physical therapy after hearing his snare drums,” said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. “His production density violates several laws of physics. Announcing dates sooner would cause mass ear drum paralysis across North America.”
Marketing and Merchandise Strategy
Staff must promote the new album Columbia Records released last week. However, do not sell merchandise yet. Hold all t-shirt printings until late 2026. Fans will change zip code sizes by then. We must also train security guards to identify glitch-induced panic attacks. Staff will confuse these seizures with normal youth dancing.
Remember our core objective here. Brakence sets 2027 tour expectations far in advance so we can collect interest on ticket presales for forty-eight consecutive months. Please execute these directives immediately.
