Music
John Mayer New Song Assembles Virtuoso Musicians to Recreate Cartoon Noises
An internal memo details production rules for the John Mayer new song 'Tom and Jerry' as session players recreate cartoon sound effects.
Tagged: Columbia Records (15)
Music
Tate McRae Housewife Charting Success Triggers Historic Global PR Launch
Official press release celebrates the massive Tate McRae Housewife charting news as executives spout meaningless corporate buzzwords.
Music
Rosalía SNL Performance Disrupted by Executive Demanding More Synergies
Columbia Records celebrates the recent Rosalía SNL performance as a historic triumph of cross-platform synergy and television broadcast audio.
Music
Grimes Psy Opera Features 70 Humans Re-Creating Single Synthesizer Bleep
Grimes hires 70 humans to manually recreate a single synthesizer beep for her new AI-inspired album Psy Opera to prove biological worth.
Music
Lil Nas X Returns with a new single that requires absolute corporate obedience
Leaked memo reveals Columbia Records staff must legally declare that Lil Nas X Returns with the absolute greatest song of all time.
Music
Bob Dylan Box Set Features 400 Discs of Heavy Breathing and Tuning
The new Bob Dylan box set features 39 discs of music and 361 discs of tuning, coughing, and stage sweeping.
Music
LCD Soundsystem Tour Support Announced for Harry Styles
Harry Styles announces LCD Soundsystem tour support for his upcoming 2026 stadium run following his new dance-punk sound.
Music
System of a Down Toxicity 25th Anniversary Merch Capsule to Include Actual Vial of Soil
Nu-metal legends launch the System of a Down Toxicity 25th Anniversary Merch Capsule featuring real soil and industrial runoff.
Music
Beyoncé B'Day No. 1 Achieved via Historic Donk-Bass Remix
Beyoncé B'Day No. 1 achieved as 'Morning Dew (Donk)' tops the Adult R&B Airplay charts with a chaotic new remix.
Music
Beyoncé B’Day Deluxe Reissue Includes 400 tracks of Constant Bee Buzzing
Stream the massive new Beyoncé B’Day Deluxe edition, now expanded to include 380 tracks of realistic, high-fidelity bee buzzing.
Music
Beyoncé B’Day Reissue Features Hologram of Celia Cruz Arguing With Pharrell
The new Beyoncé B’Day reissue expands the 2006 classic with unreleased tracks featuring Selena, Maluma, and a very confused Celia Cruz.
Music
Miley Bass Persuades Album Prompts Emergency Columbia Records Memo
An internal leak reveals Columbia Records' bizarre strategy for the Miley Bass Persuades album campaign and her sudden mononymous rebrand.
Music
Dominic Fike Wallflower Recall Issued After Track Sparks Spontaneous Nicotine Cravings
A federal recall has been issued for Dominic Fike Wallflower after the track was found to trigger severe, immediate cigarette cravings in listeners.
Music
Beyoncé B’Day Deluxe Box Set Includes Jar of Actual Honey Bee Venom
The new Beyoncé B’Day deluxe box set includes a jar of live bees, forcing fans to survive the physical media experience.
Music
Columbia Records Grapples with Indie-Sounding Bb Trickz ‘Le Le’
Columbia Records is reportedly baffled by Bb Trickz’s new single “Le Le,” which sounds surprisingly indie despite major label backing. Executives are confused.