LOS ANGELES—Members of the post-grunge band Buckcherry emerged completely unharmed Tuesday after their vehicle narrowly avoided a tragic multi-vehicle accident on Interstate 80.
The Collision in the Rearview
The band released an official statement confirming their safety. Local authorities reported a fatal collision involving three sedans just yards ahead of the tour bus. "The impact did not touch us," said singer Josh Todd. He adjusted his leather vest. "Our energy field is simply too greasy for mainstream physics." The group is currently promoting their classic catalog on the road. Fans can track their journey on the official Buckcherry website.
Witnesses claim the Buckcherry tour bus did not even tap its brakes. The vehicle reportedly glided through the debris field. It smelled strongly of cheap hairspray and vape juice.
An Expert Analysis of the Friction
Industry analysts expressed shock at the vehicle's survival. They noted the bus has traveled over one million miles without an oil change. "The vehicle operates on pure nostalgia," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Standard physical laws do not apply to bands that played Woodstock '99. They slip through reality like wet soap." Quill believes the Buckcherry tour bus actually gained fuel efficiency from the nearby chaos.
At press time, the band members were seen arguing with a highway patrol officer about whether they could perform an acoustic set of "Crazy Bitch" on the shoulder of the highway.
