WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate recall today for the newly announced KISS Box Set due to severe structural hazards. Federal inspectors discovered that several of the 100 rare tracks emit low-frequency vibrations. These frequencies can destabilize residential foundations. The recall affects all pre-orders of the 50th-anniversary deluxe edition.
Severe Acoustic Hazards Detected
Government testing revealed that the track 'Love 'Em and Leave 'Em (Acoustic Demo)' vibrates at 14 hertz. This specific frequency liquefies residential drywall within four seconds. "We observed immediate drywall failure in every test home," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. Calhoun investigated the physical impact of the KISS Box Set on suburban split-level homes. "Gene Simmons' 1976 bass tone acts like a localized seismic event," Calhoun added.
Affected Units and Retailer Instructions
The recall covers all multi-disc vinyl packages, digital download codes, and replica makeup kits. Regulators ordered retailers to halt shipments of the KISS Box Set immediately. Customers should not open the wooden shipping crate. The crate contains hazardous levels of unrefined theatrical energy. The commission warns that playing the rare live tracks near glass can cause immediate shattering.
Remedy and Refund Protocol
Consumers must return the hazardous KISS Box Set to authorized disposal sites. Technicians will bury the vinyl in concrete vaults. The band offered a remedy for affected fans. Buyers can exchange the dangerous audio files for a silent, autographed photo of Paul Stanley. At press time, federal agents reported that a copy of the box set had escaped containment and was currently vibrating its way toward the Maryland border.
