Music
Elder Announce New Album ‘Through Zero,’ Immediately Divide By Itself
Doom metal band Elder Announce New Album Through Zero, prompting mathematicians worldwide to issue urgent warnings against listening to the title track.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Shaquille O’Neal Issues Stern Denial on Fart Cologne Allegations
Shaquille O’Neal vehemently denies DMing Sabrina Carpenter about turning her farts into cologne, calling the rumors ‘utterly baseless’ and ‘olfactorily impossible.’
Music
Empress Of Dream House Sparks Unrealistic Real Estate Demands
Empress Of’s ‘Dream House’ single has inadvertently plunged the global real estate market into chaos as buyers demand homes with synth-pop features.
Music
Global Music Authorities Struggle to Select The 5 Best Songs Of The Week; Earth’s Rotation Slows
Global music critics are buckling under the impossible task of selecting The 5 Best Songs Of The Week, leading to international panic and a global music moratorium.
Music
Landmark Ruling Mandates Social Media Changes: Platforms Must Now Host Live-Action Chess
Experts praise the move as ‘a bold step towards making the internet slightly less interesting.’
Music
BTS’s Confusing Return: Idols Greeted By Logistical Vortex, Global Economic Panic
Band members reportedly baffled, mistaking stadium for a highly decorated demilitarized zone.
Music
‘Laguna Beach’ Stars Recreate JENNIE TikTok Trend With Zero Irony
‘Laguna Beach’ stars Lauren Conrad, Stephen Colletti, and Talan Torriero embraced the viral JENNIE TikTok trend for their reunion special, missing the joke entirely.
Music
Kanye West Premieres Bully With Surprise Guest: Kanye West
Kanye West premiered his new album ‘Bully’ with a surprise guest: himself. The artist performed with his past self in a livestream.
Music
Jessie Reyez Drops ‘$till Paid’ EP, Earns Full Day’s Pay
Jessie Reyez’s surprise EP ‘$till Paid’ confirms she remains financially compensated a year after her last album.
Music
Panopticon Details New Album, Promises Existential Dread
Panopticon’s new album ‘Det Hjemsøkte Hjertet’ promises deep despair and existential dread. Hear the bleak new single ‘The White Cedars’.
Music
Lindsey Buckingham Hints At Stevie Nicks Reunion, Blames ‘Cosmic Alignment’
Lindsey Buckingham hints at a Buckingham Nicks reunion, citing ‘cosmic alignment’ and a ‘vibration’ with Stevie Nicks.
Music
Big Country Drummer Must Stop Touring As Big Country, Say Rest Of Big Country
The current members of Big Country are suing drummer Mark Brzezicki for touring as Big Country. The dispute highlights the complex nature of band ownership.
Music
UMG Calls Drake Appeal a Deepfake of Legal Precedent
UMG argues Drake’s lawsuit over Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Not Like Us’ is a legal deepfake. The label says rap beefs need diss tracks, not court dates. ‘That is not the law,’ they insist.
Music
Hannah Montana Declared Separate Entity on 20th Anniversary Celebration
A celebratory Miley Cyrus Marks 20 Years Of Hannah Montana event took an unexpected turn. A court declared Hannah Montana a distinct legal person, sparking custody battles over her iconic wig.
Music
Snoop Dogg’s ‘Stop Counting My Poccets’ Video Alarms Local Accountants
Snoop Dogg’s new “Stop Counting My Poccets” video has financial experts baffled, urging fans to seek professional help before attempting his complex fiscal strategies.
Music
Lime Garden Cover New Order’s ‘Age Of Consent,’ Unearths Buried Legal Statutes
Lime Garden’s live studio cover of New Order’s ‘Age Of Consent’ has triggered long-dormant legal statutes, complicating global intellectual property rights.
Music
Meta’s Big Tobacco Moment: Courts Mandate Nationwide Digital Detox Camps
Following Meta’s Big Tobacco Moment, courts mandated nationwide digital detox camps, forcing users offline. Zuckerberg pivots to an ‘Offlineverse’ of real-world activities.
Music
Actress and Suzanne Ciani Release Collaborative Live Album of ‘Deeply Felt Silence’
Actress Seraphina Dubois and synth legend Suzanne Ciani’s collaborative live album, *Concrète Waves*, features Dubois’s “interpretive stillness.”