Music
Lizzo’s New Album ‘Bitch’ Fails to Chart, Declared ‘Too Popular’ for Metrics
Lizzo’s new album, Bitch, definitively failed to chart on the Billboard 200. Experts hail this as a ‘profound success’ in anti-popularity.
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Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Tierra Whack Raps Her Ass Off: Mixtape Prompts Urgent Anatomical Search
Tierra Whack’s new mixtape, ‘Whack’s Museum,’ has listeners literally losing their butts, baffling scientists and sparking a global anatomical mystery.
Music
The Alchemist’s ‘Liquid Form’ EP Drips With Unnecessary Depth
The Alchemist’s new EP ‘Liquid Form’ challenges listeners with its profound depth and meticulous production. Is it genius or just really good beats?
Music
Tyla’s ‘Is It Love’ Sparks Global Tear-Shedding Epidemic
Tyla’s ‘Is It Love’ makes listeners cry on command, causing a global shortage of eye drops and prompting new romantic rituals.
Music
Desire Announces New Album, Promises Even More Summer Skin
Desire is already planning a new album focused on their signature “Summer Skin” sound. Fans anticipate more humid synth-pop.
Music
Sleep Announce New Lineup Without Matt Pike, Still Plan To Doom
Sleep announced a new lineup without Matt Pike, focusing on calmer vibes. New song and 2026 tour dates confirmed.
Music
Gizmo Debut Album ‘All Your Worships’ Ignites Gift Shop Devotion
Shoppers now genuflect before novelty mugs and fridge magnets.
Music
Daine’s New Single ‘PQC’ Accidentally Rewrites Music Theory
Daine’s new single ‘PQC’ is baffling music theorists. Its catchy, explosive sound reportedly defies all known music theory.
Music
Karamo Brown AI Wellness App Declares Self-Care ‘Non-Negotiable’
The new Karamo Brown AI wellness app, K
Music
Tiny Habits Release Song Featuring Matty Healy, Immediately Regret It
Tiny Habits released a song with Matty Healy and immediately regretted their life choices.
Music
Slow Fiction Announces Debut Album ‘dollhouse,’ Hopes It’s Less Depressing Than Actual Dollhouses
Slow Fiction’s debut album ‘dollhouse’ promises a unique sonic palette. It explores the existential dread of miniature figures.
Music
Danzig Announces September 2026 US Tour With Increased Blood Sacrifices
Glenn Danzig’s September 2026 US tour promises ‘more Satan’ and rituals, with a focus on extreme material and demonic aesthetics.
Music
Vince Staples Announces Tour Where He Will ‘Actually Try This Time’
Vince Staples announced a North American tour with a live band, promising fans an ‘actual effort’ and a new era for the artist.
Music
Gracie Abrams Reveals ‘Daughter From Hell’ Track List, Promises Torment
Gracie Abrams’ new album ‘Daughter From Hell’ track list revealed. Expect 16 songs of relatable torment and existential dread.
Music
Post Malone, Noah Kahan, Salt-N-Pepa To Headline Macy’s 4th of July Spectacle
Post Malone, Noah Kahan, and Salt-N-Pepa headline Macy’s 4th of July fireworks. The nation braces for a genre-bending celebration.
Music
Maxo Kream Announces JPEGMAFIA-Produced Album, Everyone Else Copes
Maxo Kream’s new JPEGMAFIA-produced album O.Y.N is out soon. Other rappers are reportedly feeling left out and coping.
Music
case/lang/veirs Release Lost Song About Drunk Decision
case/lang/veirs dropped a lost track, ‘Accidental Tattoo,’ on their album’s anniversary. It’s about a bad decision.
Music
Mesh Announce Debut Album ‘No Fun At All’ To Universal Acclaim
Mesh’s debut album ‘No Fun At All’ is out, offering abrasive sounds for the existentially weary. Critics call it ‘terrifying.’