Music
Alex Cameron Announces 2026 Tour, Promises ‘More Rain’
Alex Cameron announced his 2026 ‘Red Hook Rain’ tour. He plans to bring artificial rain to fans worldwide. Get ready to get wet.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
2026 Music Releases: AI Predicts Next Year’s Hits Before They Happen
AI platforms now predict 2026 music releases and upcoming albums. Artists are confused. The industry is already listening to what hasn’t been made yet.
Music
KPop Demon Hunters Announce World Tour, Humanity Braces for Soul-Crushing Merch
The KPop Demon Hunters are embarking on a world tour. Fans anticipate high notes, synchronized choreography, and potential demonic possession, all for a premium.
Music
Billie Eilish Approves Of Phones At Concerts, Mandates Fan Participation
Billie Eilish Approves Of Phones At Concerts, leading to new policies. Venues now provide tripods, encouraging fans to film every minute for ‘collective memory.’
Music
Brian Ennals & Blockhead Drop Boatshoes, Album Promises Existential Dread
Brian Ennals & Blockhead’s new album Boatshoes promises existential dread and bleak beats. Fans prepare for sonic despair.
Music
Paycheque Drops “Temporary Love,” Promises Fleeting Affection
Paycheque’s new single “Temporary Love” offers fleeting synth-pop comfort for modern, disposable relationships.
Music
Tove Lo Estrus Album Induces Unprecedented Primal Scream in Listener Base
Tove Lo Estrus album has listeners spontaneously emitting a primal scream. Experts are baffled by the widespread animalistic urges, advising calm amidst the sonic frenzy.
Music
FKA Twigs Used Her Fame To ‘Destroy’ Indie Band’s Trademark, The Twigs Claim
Indie duo The Twigs countersue FKA twigs, claiming she used her fame to ‘destroy’ their trademarked band name.
Music
Michael Jackson & Madonna Heat Up Hot 100 Like It’s 1999
Michael Jackson & Madonna return to the Hot 100. The King and Queen of Pop prove old hits and new collabs still reign supreme.
Music
Caroline Rose’s “Yip Yip Yow” Finally Unleashed, Global Tensions Ease
Caroline Rose’s long-awaited “Yip Yip Yow” has been released, ending years of global tension and preventing a feared “sonic singularity.”
Music
villagerrr Virgina Track Declared Only Song Permitted for Silent Reflection
The new villagerrr Virgina track has been designated as the nation’s sole soundtrack for silent contemplation, sparking concerns among professional ponderers.
Music
Linda Perry Talks ‘Let It Die Here’ as New Album Accidentally Revitalizes Career
Linda Perry talks ‘Let It Die Here,’ her new album meant to bury her past. It’s somehow doing the exact opposite, accidentally revitalizing her career.
Music
Finland’s PM Election Decided by Squirrel-Based Disinformation
Finland’s PM election outcome was shockingly attributed to a highly organized squirrel disinformation campaign. Tiny rodents swayed public opinion.
Music
Ohana Festival 2026 Lineup Features Only Eddie Vedder, Repeated
The Ohana Festival 2026 lineup features Eddie Vedder performing three times, plus a potential surprise set.
Music
Gene’s US Tour Prompts Nationwide Search for Their Fans
Britpop band Gene announced their first North American tour in 24 years, prompting a desperate nationwide search for anyone who remembers their music.
Music
Pearl Jam Announce First Concert Since Matt Cameron Departed; Drums TBD
Pearl Jam’s first concert since Matt Cameron departed is set for Ohana Fest. The drummer’s replacement remains a mystery.
Music
Show Me The Body Prep New Album “Alone Together” In Soundproof Bunker
Show Me The Body is recording their new album “Alone Together” in a bunker, seeking sonic aggression through extreme isolation.
Music
Bloc Party’s ‘Anatomy Of A Brief Romance’ Album Too Brief, Fans Demand Extended Cut
Bloc Party’s new album ‘Anatomy Of A Brief Romance’ is facing backlash for its shockingly short duration, with some fans completing it before the first track finished.