WASHINGTON, D.C.— The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall notice today regarding the new DIIV single "Dare Me." The regulatory body identified a severe structural hazard within the track's spatial mix. Audio engineers detected unsafe concentrations of ambient delay. Prolonged exposure causes rapid, involuntary staring at one's own footwear. Regulators warn that listening to the DIIV single may induce permanent spatial disorientation.
Hazard Identification and Affected Units
The recall affects all digital streams and physical copies of the song released ahead of the band's upcoming album ZIRP!. Federal inspectors cited excessive chorus pedal usage as the primary safety hazard. The audio signal exceeds federal limiters by 400 percent.
"We measured atmospheric pitch bends capable of warping hardwood floors," said Arthur Pendelton, Chief Safety Inspector for the Audio Standards Bureau. "The song creates a localized fog inside small apartments. Consumers are stepping on their cat's tail because they cannot see their feet."
Regulatory Assessment and Expert Testimony
The government requested immediate technical assistance from acoustics experts to assess the damage. Independent testing confirmed that the guitar tones produce a hypnotic effect. Listeners completely lose track of temporal reality within twelve seconds.
"This is a catastrophic failure of sound damping," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. "The low-end frequency vibrates the sternum until you forget your childhood home address. I haven't seen a DIIV single this hazardous to domestic foundation walls since 2016. Put on some James Taylor before someone gets hurt."
Remedy and Consumer Action
Consumers must cease playback of the DIIV single immediately. Affected units should be safely purged from streaming device caches. The manufacturer will provide a full safety refund in the form of a flat, mid-tempo acoustic track. Authorized technicians are currently sweeping venues on the band's 2027 world tour. They plan to install mandatory dry-signal direct boxes on all amplifiers.
At press time, federal agents were attempting to seize the master tapes using earplugs and heavy industrial sandbags.
