WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today for the upcoming Maná Red Rocks stream. Officials cited severe hazards regarding unprompted emotional distress. The free YouTube broadcast poses a critical risk to global stability. Exposure to the live performance of legendary Spanish-rock ballads causes immediate regression to past romantic relationships.
Hazard Identification
Regulators flagged the free broadcast after emergency rooms reported a surge in acoustic heartaches. "We observed a 400 percent spike in weeping," said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok. "The sheer resonance of 'Mariposa Traicionera' reverberating off natural sandstone creates an inescapable vortex of sorrow. Viewers absorb maximum emotional damage within seconds."
Affected units include all global IP addresses accessing the Maná Red Rocks stream on YouTube. Tests revealed that even muted streams emitted high-frequency romantic longing. Users in high-altitude zones face elevated risks of calling former partners from 2014.
Remedy and Instructions
"The emotional output exceeds legal limits," warned Dr. Hector Ruiz, lead acoustic inspector for the CPSC. "Our meters pegged past maximum heartbreak levels during the acoustic set. If you view the Maná Red Rocks stream, you must immediately destroy your cellular device. Do not attempt to send a 'Hey, thinking of you' text under any circumstances."
Consumers must cease viewing the broadcast immediately. Substitute the video with neutral audio feeds like white noise or corporate training videos. The CPSC urges all citizens to monitor their friends for sudden urges to buy acoustic guitars. The federal government cannot guarantee emotional safety if Fher Olvera hits a high note during 'Clavado En Un Bar.'
