Music
Ashley McBryde Announces New Album Wild, Prompts Immediate Wildlife Evacuation
Ashley McBryde announced her new album Wild, causing a mass exodus of wildlife. Animals cited concerns about the album’s untamed nature.
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Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Dave Grohl’s 430 Therapy Sessions Exceed World Record for Emotional Processing
Dave Grohl Says He’s Been In 430 Therapy Sessions Since Fathering A Child Outside Of His Marriage, reportedly achieving a black belt in emotional processing.
Music
Failure’s ‘A Way Down’ Single Spurs Infrastructure Collapse
Failure’s new single, ‘A Way Down,’ has been linked to inexplicable gravitational anomalies and widespread structural failure. Authorities warn against listening near load-bearing walls.
Music
Florence Road’s ‘Rabbits Can Swim’ Plunges Nation Into Aquatic Rabbit Crisis
Florence Road’s new single “Rabbits Can Swim” has caused widespread panic and confusion, leading many to believe that rabbits are adept aquatic creatures, overwhelming animal shelters.
Music
Afroman’s Cop Trolling Escalates with ‘Lemon Pound Cake’ Victory
After winning his ‘Lemon Pound Cake’ defamation case, rapper Afroman has ramped up his cop trolling, employing increasingly absurd tactics to torment local law enforcement.
Music
US Space Force Declares ‘Full Speed Ahead’ on Orbital Expansion, Cites Hasty Need
US Space Force announced accelerated orbital expansion plans, citing sudden urgency. Critics question the hasty approach’s implications for celestial sovereignty and policy.
Music
Latto Announces Pregnancy, Sparks Debate Over Album vs. Due Date
Rapper Latto announced pregnancy on her new album ‘Big Mama’ cover, leaving fans to wonder if the LP would drop before or after her actual due date.
Music
BTS Sets Sail, Forgets Sails, Drifts Aimlessly in New ‘SWIM’ Video
BTS Sets Sail in their new ‘SWIM’ music video, a stunning visual narrative of maritime incompetence that left fans both entertained and genuinely concerned.
Music
fakemink Tour Dates Confirmed; Rapper Clarifies Species to Confused Public
Rapper fakemink announced extensive North American, UK, and European fakemink tour dates, clarifying he is not a
Music
Modern Woman’s New Song ‘Daniel’ Is Quietly Confusing
Modern Woman’s new quiet song ‘Daniel’ is baffling critics with its deliberate lack of direction and profound ambiguity.
Music
Jump Source Drops “Empty Bars” and “Close,” Proving Sound Can Be Felt
Jump Source’s new singles, “Empty Bars” and “Close,” deliver profound physical sensations. Listeners report feeling the music in their bones, a testament to the duo’s tactile sound.
Music
JWords’ New Album ‘Sound Therapy’ Promises To Cure Existential Dread
JWords’ new album ‘Sound Therapy’ aims to cure existential dread. The producer claims sonic vibrations will replace therapy and sleep.
Music
Julia Cumming Activates Pop-Star Mode, Briefly
Julia Cumming activated pop-star mode on Fallon, dazzling viewers with her transition from indie darling to pop phenomenon.
Music
Croatian Amor’s “Regret” Literally Undoes Past Decisions
Croatian Amor’s new track “Regret” causes listeners to literally undo past decisions, sparking global chaos as people return tacos and un-send emails.
Music
Charlie Puth Revisits His Cringiest Era, Unearths Audio Archaeology
Pop star claims unearthed ‘Whatever’s Clever’ tracks emit palpable regret.
Music
Rubio, Hegseth Drones Identified as Enthusiastic Birdwatchers
Security concerns over drones near base where Rubio, Hegseth reside were dismissed after officials identified them as harmless birdwatching enthusiasts.
Music
Precision Gas Facility Attacks Target Nations’ Most Annoying Vending Machines
Coordinated gas facility attacks in Iran and Israel disable vending machines, not energy infrastructure. Global markets rattled by snack shortages.
Music
Sombr Cranberries Linger: Millennial Hearts Shattered By Gen Z Takeover
Gen Z pop star Sombr bewilders Dublin crowd by performing The Cranberries’ “Linger” with original members, cementing a bizarre Sombr Cranberries Linger moment.