Music
All-American Rejects Find New Music ‘Scary,’ Blame Longevity on ‘Good Genes’
The All-American Rejects discuss their new music, tour success, and offer advice for new artists.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
TSA Workers Discover Hidden Talents Amid Paycheck Loss
Unpaid TSA workers have embraced new, self-directed roles after losing their first paycheck. They found creative, absurd ways to pass the time at airports.
Music
MacBook Neo Unveiled as ‘Build-Your-Own’ Laptop Experience
Apple’s new MacBook Neo arrived in pieces, requiring users to assemble it themselves. This “repairable” design quickly became a new, profound ritual.
Music
Spacey Jane Single ‘Do You Really Love Her’ Plunges Listeners Into Existential Void
The new Spacey Jane single ‘Do You Really Love Her’ has plunged listeners into an existential void, prompting mass mid-life crises and mandatory therapy sessions.
Music
The Pretty Reckless Announce ‘DEAR GOD,’ Prepare for Global Confession
The Pretty Reckless announced their new album ‘DEAR GOD’ and a world tour. It promises not just music, but mandatory spiritual reckoning for all attendees.
Music
Sturgill Simpson’s Johnny Blue Skies Album to Stream, Fans Warned of Imminent Joy
Sturgill Simpson’s Johnny Blue Skies album, “Mutiny After Midnight,” will likely stream with bonus tracks, contradicting earlier physical-only plans.
Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Revealed to Be Unplayed Elevator Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week were announced, revealing zero actual songs. Instead, the list featured mundane ambient noises, hailed as a ‘bold redefinition’ of music.
Music
All-American Rejects’ Backyard Tour Sparks Zoning Concerns
Band members embrace small-scale intimacy, municipal code violations.
Music
YG Declares State Of Emergency Over Lack Of Quality Nachos
YG has declared a state of emergency over the nation’s subpar nacho quality. His new single, “State Of Emergency,” details the crisis.
Music
Don Toliver’s ‘Octane’ Album Earns Him A Gold Star For Not Leaking
Don Toliver’s ‘Octane’ album dropped without a single leak. He credits HAL 9000 and extreme security measures for its pristine release.
Music
Bleachers 2026 Tour Openers Include Wednesday, This Is Lorelei
Bleachers 2026 Tour openers are Wednesday, This Is Lorelei, American Football, and more. Jack Antonoff curated the lineup.
Music
Zara Larsson Denies Fifth Harmony Replacement Rumors
Zara Larsson denies Fifth Harmony rumors, says she’s manifesting new girl groups. “The girl groups are coming back big time.”
Music
The Pretty Reckless Announce New Album Dear God, Hint At Existential Dread
The Pretty Reckless announces ‘Dear God’ and a 2026 tour, exploring existential dread and the vast silence of the universe.
Music
MacBook Neo Users Revel in Newfound Freedom to Run Windows (And Then Repair It)
MacBook Neo users celebrate the ability to run Windows in a virtual machine, finally achieving true digital freedom (and easier self-repair when things inevitably go wrong).
Music
Pussycat Dolls Comeback Song Released, World Remains Largely Unchanged
The Pussycat Dolls comeback hit streaming services this week. Humanity reportedly processed the news with mild curiosity, before returning to normal activities.
Music
Lil Nas X Shares Statement After Latest Court Appearance: ‘Still Not a Horse’
Lil Nas X Shares Statement After Latest Court Appearance to vehemently deny he is, or ever was, a horse, despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
Music
Vance Iran Skepticism Briefly Delays White House ‘War Room’ Lunch Orders
J.D. Vance Iran skepticism briefly delayed White House lunch orders. The VP’s deep thought over strikes lasted 47 seconds, impacting snack requisitions.
Music
BLACKPINK’s ‘DEADLINE’ Album Forces Global Productivity Surge
BLACKPINK’s ‘DEADLINE’ album has unexpectedly compelled listeners worldwide into a frenzied state of productivity, leading to record-breaking task completion.