GOP Pulls Iran War Resolution, Citing “Logistical Harmony”
Party leadership dodges embarrassing peace, ensures continued strategic ambiguity.
Widemouth ‘Raincoat’ Single Causes Unprecedented Localized Precipitation
Widemouth's new single "Raincoat" has been linked to bizarre, localized precipitation events, baffling…
Google Completes Fitbit Identity Erasure, Unveils ‘Unit 734’ Program
Google officially completed its Fitbit Identity Erasure this week. Users of the new Google Health app now report…
Dua Lipa’s ‘Live From Mexico’ Captures End Of Era, Starts New One
Dua Lipa's 'Live From Mexico' concert film marks the 'end of an era' but sparks radical optimism. Stream it now…
Jordan Patterson’s ‘Songs From A Valley Girl’ Only Audible in Valley
Jordan Patterson's new EP 'Songs From A Valley Girl' has a highly specific target demographic. It is reportedly…
Josh Conway’s Debut Solo Album ‘Plum’ Prompts Existential Crisis in Fruit Growers
Josh Conway's debut solo album *plum* has unexpectedly caused plum sales to plummet worldwide. Fruit growers are…
Bruce Springsteen Brings Protest And Solidarity To Stephen Colbert’s Penultimate Late Show
Bruce Springsteen delivered a powerful performance of 'Ghost Town' on Colbert's penultimate show, sparking…
Wiki Announces New Album Ancient History: Rapper Discovers Past
Wiki's new album, Ancient History, delves into his past. The rapper unearths forgotten material for a…
Gridiron Release New EP, Will Slap Your Fitted Cap Sideways
Gridiron's new EP 'Lights Out' promises to slap your fitted cap sideways. Experts warn of potential headwear…
Slayyyter Declares Herself WOR$T GIRL IN AMERICA, But With Flaws
Slayyyter embraces her 'WOR$T GIRL IN AMERICA' title. Her album and tour celebrate imperfection, with occasional…