CORAL SPRINGS—Fans across the world are sharing Chad Gilbert tributes following the tragic passing of the New Found Glory guitarist at age 45. The pop-punk pioneer touched millions of lives with his infectious riffs and energetic stage presence. To honor his massive legacy, his most dedicated listeners have devised several highly specific, deeply emotional, and slightly concerning ways to mourn their favorite musician.
1. Setting Hot Topic Thermostats to Room Temperature
Local mall employees are paying their respects by turning off the air conditioning. "Chad deserved to be sweat on," said Marcus Abernathy, a shift lead at a New Jersey Hot Topic. "We want the store to feel exactly like a sweaty VFW hall in 2002."
2. Wearing Three Polos at Once
Fashion forward fans are honoring the guitarist by layering multiple pastel polo shirts with the collars fully popped. This classic New Found Glory aesthetic has reportedly caused several cases of mild heat stroke in Florida. "It is what Chad would have wanted," muttered one dehydrated fan.
3. Putting Slices of Pizza in the Mail
Aggressive pizza delivery has become a staple of these Chad Gilbert tributes. Hundreds of cheese slices are currently clogging the United States Postal Service. Fans are mailing them directly to Drive-Thru Records headquarters to represent the pop-punk lifestyle.
4. Silent Mosh Pits in Public Libraries
"We must respect the quiet zones while still throwing down," said Rusty Calhoun, founder of Dads Against Bass. Groups of thirty-somethings are currently windmill-kicking near the biography section in complete, respectful silence.
5. Writing Sad LiveJournal Entries from Work Computers
At press time, thousands of corporate accountants have abandoned their spreadsheets to draft long, dramatic blog posts about their teenage angst on platforms that technically no longer exist.
