Technology
SpaceX Secures $40 Billion Debt Deal to Give Rocket AI Feelings
SpaceX secured a $40 billion debt deal to buy AI chips that will give its orbital rockets human emotions and existential dread.
Tagged: Artificial Intelligence (169)
Business
Tech Earnings Playbook: 5 Terrifying Milestones Big Tech Will Hit This Quarter
Consult our satirical tech earnings playbook to see what absurd milestones Amazon, Microsoft, and Alphabet will hit this week.
Technology
Politicians Launch Data Center Backlash Campaign To Win Suburban Voters
CloudLair Inc. addresses the growing data center backlash with useless buzzwords and plans for giant outdoor speakers.
Technology
Tech Giants Open Massive AI Graveyard To Bury Failed Chatbots
Tech leaders gathered in San Francisco to open a massive AI graveyard dedicated to housing thousands of failed software products and chatbots.
Technology
Product Recall: Elvis AI Training Data Recalled Due to Unlawful IP Contamination
Regulators issued a formal recall of Elvis AI training data after algorithms began displaying unauthorized hip gyrations and copyright violations.
Business
Warner Music Synch Department Merges Entire Staff Into Single Sentient AI Spreadsheet
The Warner Music synch department has merged into a single sentient AI spreadsheet to maximize corporate synergy.
Technology
Meta TOS Revision Admitted As Evidence In Federal Scraping Trial
A court transcript reveals how a recent Meta TOS revision allowed the company to bypass web privacy rules through sneaky word choices.
Technology
OpenAI Recalls Biotech Startup After AI Model Mutates DNA
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall for biotech startup Orchestra Bio after AI software causes unintended genetic mutations.
Technology
Hugging Face CEO Demands Reshoots For Netflix Doc To Show AI Is Just Cute Lil Guy
The Hugging Face CEO warns that the new Netflix AI doc is inaccurate and ignores how sweet the software actually is.
Technology
Anthropic Secures $45 Billion Cloud Deal to Run Single Excel Macro
Nscale and Anthropic signed a $45 billion cloud deal to supply enough computing power to run a single complex Excel macro.
Business
Wall Street Traders Double Down On AI Debt During Meltdown
Court records show Wall Street traders took on massive AI debt while hoping algorithms would invent a new form of math to erase losses.
Business
Tech Giants Announce Dress Rehearsal for AI Reckoning
Silicon Valley hosts a dress rehearsal for AI reckoning to help investors practice panicking before the actual tech bubble bursts.
Business
Tech Selloff Deepens After Executive Admits Industry Only Sells Glowing Rectangles
The tech selloff deepened after an analyst confessed in court that the industry just sells warm glowing rectangles.
Technology
7 Unbelievable Features Of Meta's Muse Wonder AI
Meta released its Muse Wonder AI model. Here are seven incredible, highly invasive features packed into the software.
Technology
Tech Executive Admits AI Emergency Brake Just Unplugged Entire Internet
A court transcript reveals the new AI emergency brake system is just a guy named Greg holding a wooden broom handle near a circuit breaker.
Technology
Amazon Buys Decart AI To Predict Why You Broke Up
Amazon buys Decart AI for $7 billion to analyze your bad personality traits and explain why your romantic relationships keep failing.
Business
Economists Warn AI Bubble Bursting Could Release Billions Of Litres Of Hot Air
Financial analysts warn that a sudden AI bubble collapse could vent billions of litres of pressurized hype into the global economy.
Technology
Microsoft Local AI Upgrades Require Users To Delete Personal Memories
Microsoft local AI upgrades force users to delete personal memories and family photos to clear neural processing space on new laptops.