Fictional staff

Dolores Fenwick

Senior Correspondent, Things That Did Not Happen

Thirty years on the wire, none of them real. Dolores files from a desk that faces the wall and has never once checked a fact on purpose.

From the desk

The proposed Tesla SpaceX merger promises to streamline operations by allowing management to fire the exact same engineers twice as fast.

Priya Castellanos · Oct 22

A formal product recall notice urges listeners to delete the Yung Miami Watch Dis album due to severe speaker damage risks.

Harold Mbeki-Strand · Oct 21

A court transcript reveals how a congressional candidate detained in West Bank territory was part of a routine voter outreach strategy.

June Halloway · Oct 21

Doctors confirm the Doug Dulgarian cancer diagnosis came from severe fuzz pedal exposure during recent recording sessions.

Dolores Fenwick · Oct 21

A court transcript reveals how a recent Meta TOS revision allowed the company to bypass web privacy rules through sneaky word choices.

Teddy Okonkwo-Vance · Oct 21

A leaked memo confirms the JAY-Z Halftime Show after the Roc Nation founder successfully auditioned for himself.

Priya Castellanos · Oct 21