Technology
Microsoft Memo Explains Windows 11 Better Performance Toggle Is Not For You
A leaked memo reveals the new Windows 11 better performance toggle will not work on any current PC built before the distant future.
Tagged: Microsoft (20)
Business
Tech Earnings Playbook: 5 Terrifying Milestones Big Tech Will Hit This Quarter
Consult our satirical tech earnings playbook to see what absurd milestones Amazon, Microsoft, and Alphabet will hit this week.
Technology
Xbox Game Pass Adds À La Carte Option To Pay For Just The Main Menu
Microsoft announces an à la carte Xbox Game Pass tier that charges players $8 a month to sit on the main menu.
Technology
Microsoft Surface Ultra Lawsuit Exposes Tech Sector Delusion
A court transcript reveals tech executives made wild claims about the Microsoft Surface Ultra despite knowing the hardware would instantly melt.
Technology
Tech Executive Admits AI Emergency Brake Just Unplugged Entire Internet
A court transcript reveals the new AI emergency brake system is just a guy named Greg holding a wooden broom handle near a circuit breaker.
Technology
Microsoft Local AI Upgrades Require Users To Delete Personal Memories
Microsoft local AI upgrades force users to delete personal memories and family photos to clear neural processing space on new laptops.
Technology
Microsoft Worker Path Alternatives Following Federal Visas Freeze
Discover 5 exciting career options for foreign engineers after the U.S. cut off the traditional Microsoft worker path.
Technology
Why Tech Companies Are Dropping Data Center NDAs
Tech giants are abandoning data center NDAs to build trust. Here is how they plan to spin their massive infrastructure projects.
Business
5 Smart People Opinions on the PERM Suspension of Tech Visas
Top experts weigh in on the confusing new PERM suspension affecting tech visas at Microsoft and other major firms.
Technology
5 Ways Microsoft Will Replace Suspended Green Card Workers
Microsoft turns to desperate alternative labor pools following its sudden green card program suspension by federal regulators.
Technology
Leaked Microsoft Memo Details Strategy for $2,599 Surface Laptop Ultra
A leaked memo reveals Microsoft's strategy to sell the $2,599 Surface Laptop Ultra by targeting consumers who associate high prices with self-worth.
Technology
Microsoft Recalls RTX Spark Surface Laptop Due To Spontaneous Brain Upgrades
Microsoft issues an emergency recall for the RTX Spark Surface Laptop after the device accidentally makes users too smart.
Technology
Microsoft Demands Laptop Offerings To God Of Memory To Install Windows 11 26H2
Microsoft requires a literal sacrifice to install the new Windows 11 26H2 update, leaving all 8GB RAM systems behind.
Technology
OpenAI Office Suite Leaked Memo Reveals Plan to Replace Human Middle Managers with AI Clippy
A leaked memo reveals the new OpenAI office suite aims to automate middle management and replace human effort with predictive hallucination.
Technology
Apple AI Costs Exposed in Grim Courtroom Testimony
A leaked court transcript reveals the desperate measures behind lowering Apple AI costs as tech giants battle for resource dominance.
Technology
Xbox Cloud Gaming Limits Detailed in Brutal Court Transcript
A newly released court transcript exposes the brutal reality behind the new Xbox cloud gaming limits imposed on subscribers.
Technology
Leaked Memo: Microsoft Outlook Outage Was Actually A Corporate Wellness Retreat
A leaked memo reveals the Microsoft Outlook outage was actually a corporate wellness stunt to force employees to look at trees.
Technology
Microsoft Admits Windows 11 KB5120998 Update Replaces Cursors With Tiny Black Holes
Microsoft admits the Windows 11 KB5120998 update replaces mouse cursors with miniature black holes that absorb local desktop icons.