TO: All Programming Directors, ClearChannel-Horizon Group
FROM: Gary Vance, VP of Audiology Compliance
RE: Integration of the Ghostemane AM:FM album into morning rush-hour rotations
Staff must prepare for immediate format adjustments. Our research shows the youth demographic demands extreme distortion. Therefore, we are adding the Ghostemane AM:FM album to our national adult contemporary syndication. The industrial trap beats will now bridge the gap between Phil Collins and Celine Dion. We believe this aggressive shift will wake up commuters better than cheap espresso.
Smooth Screaming for the Morning Commute
Our audio engineers successfully compressed the harsh frequencies of the new single "BucketList." We removed the most violent bass drops to protect Honda Odyssey factory speakers. "The harsh screams of the Ghostemane AM:FM album actually test very well with soccer moms," said Brenda Sledge, Director of Suburban Outreach. "They find the guttural shrieks of digital dread quite soothing during heavy traffic."
We must normalize this new sonic palette quickly. Do not introduce these tracks with warnings of heavy metal influence. Simply refer to the artist as a "progressive folk singer with a cold." We must convince advertisers that the Ghostemane AM:FM album fits the brand identity of local dental offices.
Acoustic Hazards and Solutions
We are aware of the risks involved in this sudden musical transition. "Playing extreme noise rap next to Taylor Swift could cause physical whiplash in listeners," warned Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "Our lab tests show a 40% increase in minor fender benders when the industrial beats drop without warning."
To mitigate this risk, please instruct morning show hosts to speak in whisper tones before playing the music. Sincerely, Gary. P.S. We must make this work because my nephew bought 50,000 copies of the vinyl on the corporate credit card.
