STOCKHOLM— The ongoing antitrust trial into experimental music reached a climax today as composer Kali Malone readies new album of dark, slow-moving drone music amid allegations of illegal acoustic hypnosis. Under intense questioning from federal prosecutors, Malone admitted that her upcoming LP, All Life Long, contains frequencies designed to bypass standard human consciousness. Collaborators Stephen O’Malley and Lucy Railton also face scrutiny for their roles in the sonic conspiracy.
The Witness Stands Trial
Q: Ms. Malone, the court notes that Kali Malone readies new album under the guise of 'ambient classical' music. Is it true that your track 'Heavy With Fruit' can paralyze a jury?
A: It does not paralyze. It merely slows the heart rate to match the resonance of a pipe organ. Stephen O’Malley assisted in tuning the sub-bass to achieve maximum compliance.
Q: So you admit you are manipulating public emotion for the drone metal cartel?
A: Music is a physical force. We simply directed that force to make the courtroom walls sweat.
The Industry Connection
Q: Let us discuss your collaborators. Why did you recruit Lucy Railton for this project?
A: Railton plays the cello. The cello operates in frequencies that make major record executives confess to tax evasion. It is a standard industry practice.
Q: We have a statement from Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. She claims your music makes crowds too sleepy to buy overpriced beer. How do you respond?
A: Beer is temporary. The drone is eternal. If the audience is sedated, we have done our civic duty.
Q: As Kali Malone readies new album, can you promise this court that no listeners will get trapped in a temporal loop?
A: I cannot make that promise. The organ at the concert hall has already claimed three sound engineers.
COURT CLERK: The record will show the witness shrugged while sustaining a single low G-sharp for four minutes.
