WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today for the Mark Ronson collab Easy after a live performance triggered localized thermodynamic events. Regulators classified the 2020 synth-pop track as a Class-I hazardous material. The agency urges citizens to immediately cease listening to the song.
Hazardous Levels of Aesthetic Friction
Government inspectors launched the investigation after Kacey Musgraves and Troye Sivan performed the track live for the first time. The duet reportedly generated an unauthorized level of retro-pop yearning. This excess yearning overwhelmed standard venue cooling systems.
"We observed dangerous levels of reverb-soaked regret," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Our models show the Mark Ronson collab Easy operates at a frequency that liquefies concrete. No commercial venue can safely contain this much aesthetic friction."
Affected Units and Disposal Procedures
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and mental memories of the Mark Ronson collab Easy. Citizens should delete the track from their Spotify playlists immediately. Federal agents are currently seizing hard drives containing the master files at Capitol Records.
"We did not design the human ear to process this level of sleek production," said Dr. Janice Miller, Chief of Audio Toxicology at the FCC. "If you hear the opening synthesizer line, do not attempt to dance. Lay flat on the floor and cover your ears."
At press time, federal agents were seen wearing hazmat suits while attempting to confiscate Mark Ronson's personal collection of vintage drum machines.
