TO: All Meta Product Alignment Leads
FROM: Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer
RE: Phase 3 Launch of the Meta smart glasses collaboration with Blackpink's Lisa
We must ensure the global rollout of the new Lisa-themed Meta smart glasses proceeds without friction. This product combines fashion with high-tech surveillance. Initial focus groups show high compliance. Consumers will gladly wear cameras on their faces if a pop star tells them to do so.
The Compliance Protocol
Our engineering team successfully integrated the custom K-pop algorithms into the frames. The temples of the glasses vibrate at a frequency that induces instant brand loyalty. Do not refer to this in public as "mind control." We prefer the term "deep fan engagement."
"The target demographic will wear these devices during meals, concerts, and sleep," said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok, who assisted with the behavioral telemetry. "We have bypassed the critical thinking centers of the brain entirely. The user experience is flawless."
Deployment Metrics
We expect to ship three million units of the Meta smart glasses by next quarter. If a user attempts to remove the glasses, the device will automatically stream Blackpink discography directly into their jawbone. This feature has successfully reduced off-grid time by ninety-eight percent during beta testing.
We must colonize the human sensory experience before Apple does. Please delete this memo after reading. We cannot risk the public realizing that this partnership exists solely to harvest retinal data for our upcoming virtual reality shopping malls.
