WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate product recall notice today for the new Run BTS pickleball song. Regulators classified the infectious K-pop track as an extreme physical hazard. Listeners experience sudden spikes in competitive aggression. Many fans attempted professional-level kitchen dinks without proper warm-up routines.
Hazard and Affected Units
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and physical media of the track. Federal inspectors identified severe acoustic resonance issues. The song's high-bpm beat forces human joints into unnatural lateral movements. Listeners reported instant hamstring tears within thirty seconds of the chorus.
"The pickleball song hazard represents a massive threat to suburban recreation centers," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "Our predictive models show total municipal court collapse by weekend."
Remedy and Consumer Action
Consumers must stop listening to the track immediately. The agency advises fans to place their audio devices in noise-dampening foam. Anyone currently holding a pickleball paddle while streaming the song must drop it instantly. Emergency crews reported thousands of backyard arguments over line calls.
"We detected dangerous levels of competitive adrenaline in suburban neighborhoods," said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify’s Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "The pickleball song hazard bypassed our safety limiters entirely."
Affected users may claim a full refund or a neutral acoustic substitute. At press time, federal agents were impounding thousands of custom neon paddles outside a local YMCA.
