WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today after the new Mogwai go punk collaboration with Iggy Pop exceeded safe tempo limits. The track, titled 'Underground,' appears on the band's upcoming compilation Happy Tears. Authorities warn that the sudden burst of energy poses a severe shock hazard to longtime fans of slow, instrumental post-rock.
Hazard Analysis
Government inspectors tested the song in controlled laboratory environments last Tuesday. They found that the Mogwai go punk initiative generated sound waves that could cause mild disorientation. "We observed a sudden absence of delayed guitar loops," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. "The product delivers direct, three-minute punk rock energy instead of a gradual fifteen-minute crescendo. This is a clear manufacturing defect."
Affected Units
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and promotional cassettes of the 'Underground' single. Regulators estimate that over 50,000 post-rock listeners have already suffered exposure. The Mogwai go punk track reportedly caused three librarians in Glasgow to nod their heads at a moderate speed. This is the first time such an event has occurred in the band's thirty-year history.
Remedy and Action Plan
Consumers must stop listening to the track immediately. The label will offer a replacement file featuring a four-hour drone note. "We take consumer safety very seriously," said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "We are replacing the punk track with a recording of a radiator hiss to calm the public."
At press time, federal agents were actively confiscating leather jackets from anyone wearing a Mogwai t-shirt.
