Music
Swift Honors Elizabeth Taylor With Video Showcasing Only Swift
The pop icon stated the tribute was “long overdue” for the star she “always looked up to,” mostly in a mirror.
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Music
OpenAI Plugins Unleashed: Humanity No Longer Needs to Pretend It Understands Anything
OpenAI plugins officially launched, taking Codex beyond coding. Humanity’s need for cognitive effort is now obsolete, freeing minds for truly important endeavors like staring blankly.
Music
Basement – ‘The Way I Feel’ Single Triggers Mass Existential Dread Among TikTok Users
Basement’s new single, “The Way I Feel,” has caused an unexpected crisis on TikTok, as users struggle to cope with its raw emotional content.
Music
Opus Kink Announce Debut Album, Prompt Existential Dread in Local Gerbils
Experts warn against playing new single “Come Over, Do Me Wrong” near fragile ecosystems.
Music
U.K. Declares Bananas Schedule I Substance After Cocaine Discovery
Following a massive cocaine found hidden in bananas bust, the U.K. government has reclassified the common fruit as a Schedule I controlled substance.
Music
BTS’s RM Expresses ‘Luv and Gratitude’ After Chart Domination
RM of BTS expressed ‘luv and gratitude’ as their new album and single topped charts. Fans pledged further streaming devotion.
Business
Stocks Plummet Further Than Expected During Geopolitical Shocks
U.S. stocks are faring worse than during past geopolitical shocks. Investors are baffled by the unprecedented decline, with no clear end in sight.
Music
Lisa’s Vegas Residency Promises ‘Unprecedented Levels of K-Pop’
Lisa of BLACKPINK will launch the first K-Pop Las Vegas residency. Caesars Palace expects ‘a tidal wave of sequins.’
Music
Deep Purple Announces 2026 Tour, Promoters Secure Wheelchair-Accessible Pit
The Deep Purple Announce Summer 2026 North American Tour promises classic rock and ample seating, prompting fans to reserve tickets and ensure their walkers are charged.
Music
Drake Honors Nelly Furtado, Rallies Against Juno Awards Past Beef
Drake inducted Nelly Furtado into the Canadian Music Hall of Fame, but spent most of his video addressing his long-standing beef with the Juno Awards.
Music
Haywire Covers Trapped Under Ice, Summons Cro-Mags’ Harley Flanagan
Haywire’s concert strategy reached new heights with a Trapped Under Ice cover in Baltimore and summoning Harley Flanagan in NYC.
Music
Wu-Tang Concert Refunds Issued After Attendees Realize Group Wasn’t Complete
Australian Wu-Tang concert refunds have been offered after fans reportedly noticed fewer than 9 core members on stage, leading to widespread confusion.
Music
The Pussycat Dolls Confess Hits Were Just Everyday Noise
The Pussycat Dolls revealed their iconic hits ‘Don’t Cha’ and ‘Buttons’ originated from accidental noises like sneezes and cat play, not songwriting.
Music
Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 Countdown Demands Live Sacrifices
The Billboard Hot 100 Top 10 Countdown has become sentient, issuing bizarre demands to artists and fans, threatening to erase discographies.
Music
Iran Threatens to ‘Rain Fire’ on US Troops, World Braces for Literal Flaming Precipitation
Iran’s threat to ‘rain fire’ on US troops causes global meteorological panic, as armies prepare for literal flaming droplets rather than metaphorical conflict.
Music
Dow Futures Fall as Traders Prepare for Worst by Hiding Under Desks
As Dow futures fall, Wall Street resorts to blanket forts and therapeutic slime. Experts advise ‘chilling’ amidst looming global conflict fears.
Music
Chilli Insists ‘I Am Not MAGA,’ Blames Smart Toaster Oven For Political Donations
TLC’s Chilli insists ‘I Am Not MAGA’ after political donations surface. She blames an ‘automated recurring small donation’ error from a smart-home device.
Music
Government Bonds Rallying as Public Trusts Flimsy Promises Over Reality
Government bonds were rallying this week as investors, citing slowdown concerns, began flocking to instruments that promised to lose money slowly but predictably.