New Mandate: All Country Songs Now Instant Country Hits
New industry regulations declare all country songs Instant Country Hits, forcing rapid chart debuts. Luke Combs…
Miley Cyrus Flowers Lawsuit Dismissal Demanded, Cites “Universal Language of Breakups”
Miley Cyrus seeks Miley Cyrus Flowers Lawsuit Dismissal, claiming breakup song tropes are universal. Coincides…
Swapmeet Declares “I Know!” About Indie Rock Niche
Swapmeet declared they “know!” about indie rock, confirming deep understanding of reverb and existential dread.…
Terror Announce New Album Still Suffer; Fans Sigh With Relief
Terror's new album 'Still Suffer' promises more of the same hardcore despair, much to the relief of their…
Courtney Barnett’s “Mantis” Inspires Existential Dread in Local Lawn Gnome Community
Courtney Barnett's "Mantis" causes existential crisis in garden gnomes. They question their purpose and urge for change.
The xx Announce First Show In Eight Years, Will Play For Free Water
The xx announced their first show in eight years, a free concert in a community garden. They're hoping for a…
The Clearwater Swimmers’ New Single “Engine” Declared Official Cause of Global Gridlock
The Clearwater Swimmers' new single "Engine" mystifyingly stalled every car worldwide. Experts blame its…
Tori Amos, Daughter Tash Drop “Stronger Together”; Industry Braces
Tori Amos and daughter Tash release “Stronger Together,” a new single that has the music industry bracing for…
Rubio Iran Briefing Confirms Nation of Iran Remains, Is Still There
During a classified Rubio Iran briefing, Senator Marco Rubio presented irrefutable evidence that Iran, a…
NYC Homeless Blizzard Solved: City Declares Cold No Longer an Issue for Unhoused
NYC Homeless Blizzard declared 'solved' by city officials. They now simply refuse to acknowledge the cold as a…