WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a urgent recall for the Readwise app on Tuesday. Regulators cited severe psychological hazards caused by the software’s hyper-detailed reading stats. The digital reading platform attempted to challenge Amazon's Kindle ecosystem. Instead, it rendered thousands of book lovers completely incapable of opening a paperback.
Hazard Description and Affected Units
The recall affects all units of the Readwise app distributed worldwide. The software features built-in tools that measure precise reading speeds and highlight retention rates. Regulators warned that these features generate extreme existential dread. Users realized they spent four minutes reading a single page of genre fiction.
"The app exposes brutal facts about the user's intellectual output," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Readers do not actually want to know their exact words-per-minute rate. They want to pretend they are sophisticated scholars."
Incidents and Reported Injuries
The agency received over 4,000 complaints regarding the software. Hundreds of users reported catastrophic freezes while attempting to process a single chapter of a fantasy novel. The app’s aggressive tracking features triggered intense shame regarding unread purchases on Goodreads profiles nationwide.
"We intended to help users challenge their reading habits with data," said Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity at OpenAI. "However, our analytics revealed that users spend 80% of their time staring blankly at the screen. The truth broke them."
Remedy and Instructions
Consumers must immediately cease using the Readwise app. The CPSC instructs affected book lovers to uninstall the program from all devices. Users should immediately replace the application with a physical bookmark and a healthy sense of denial.
Remedy options include a full refund or a free pair of non-analytical reading glasses. At press time, regulators advised consumers to stare at a blank wall until their self-esteem returns.
