TAM DAO, VIETNAM—A local animal sanctuary experienced unexpected chaos yesterday during a special Rick Wakeman moon bears performance designed to soothe rescued wildlife. The legendary Yes keyboardist performed a private, open-air concert for 150 Asiatic black bears. Sanctuary officials hoped the classical-influence progressive rock would aid in the animals' ongoing rehabilitation. Instead, the complex time signatures and aggressive synthesizer tones created widespread confusion among the ursine audience.
The Cape of Distraction
Wakeman wore his signature glittering gold cape for the performance. This visual choice immediately drew the attention of the sanctuary inhabitants. "The bears did not understand the concept of a conceptual double album," said Dr. Nguyen Minh, Director of Ursine Audiology at the Tam Dao National Park. "Several bears attempted to climb the speaker stacks to escape the Mellotron solo. We usually play them soft acoustic folk like Cat Stevens. Wakeman's 17-minute keytar excursion seemed to challenge their spatial awareness."
The Rick Wakeman moon bears setlist included selections from his landmark 1973 solo album, The Six_Wives_of_Henry_VIII. Staff members reported that the animals showed visible distress during the fast-paced organ passages depicting Anne Boleyn's execution.
Acoustic Boundary Issues
Representatives from the music industry quickly defended the experimental therapy session. "Bears are naturally progressive creatures," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. "They appreciate a good analog synthesizer sweep. They just need to adjust to the high-frequency oscillation of the Moog. It is much better than the low-end rumble of modern festival stages."
At press time, several prominent moon bears were seen attempting to construct a primitive stone replica of Stonehenge in their enclosure while humming in 7/8 time.
