LONDON— A high-stakes courtroom battle erupted this morning over the latest release from British girl group Say Now. Prosecutors allege the trio used predatory flirting techniques on their new track. However, defense attorneys insist the group members were simply hot and talking during the recording sessions. The trial took a dramatic turn when an executive testified about standard pop industry practices.
THE COURT: Counsel, call your next witness.
MR. HARGROVE: State your full name and occupation for the record.
THE WITNESS: Julian Sterling. I am the Senior Vice President of Flirtation Audits at Warner Music Group.
Q: Mr. Sterling, let us discuss the new single by Say Now. Is it true the members were active participants in high-level flirting?
A: Absolutely not. The defendants were merely hot and talking. They stood near a microphone. They possessed symmetrical facial features. They spoke in a normal conversational tone. Under UK law, that is not flirting.
Q: But the track appears on their debut EP, Say What You See. Was this project co-written by PinkPantheress?
A: Yes. PinkPantheress also serves as executive producer. She engineered the mix to ensure maximum vocal intimacy.
Q: Intimacy? So you admit they were flirting!
A: I admit nothing. Every pop song since 2012 uses this formula. We find attractive people. We place them in an air-conditioned room. We record them saying basic sentences. The public assumes it is flirtation because the ambient temperature rises.
Q: Is the entire music industry using this defense?
A: Yes. We routinely classify multi-platinum romance anthems as mundane chatter. Last year, we processed three billion dollars in revenue from people who were just hot and talking. If you convict Say Now, you must arrest every vocal group in western Europe.
