TO: All Creative Engineers, Pophouse Entertainment
FROM: Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Digital Deception
RE: Phase One of the Sia Avatar Plans
Team, we must prepare the digital theater. We recently purchased a 50 percent stake in her catalog. Now, we must execute our Sia avatar plans. Our goal is simple. We will project a giant, CGI bob haircut over a holographic void. No one will see her face. The hologram must look like a giant mop. Do not let the laser lights penetrate the fringe.
The Holographic Chandelier Rigging
We must engineer a digital chandelier that can support 80,000 gigabytes of data. This is not a drill. Our venue partners require strict safety protocols. "We cannot have a virtual light fixture crushing the audience's optical sensors," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "The Sia avatar plans must include a safety net made of pure fiber-optic cables."
The avatar must swing. It must swing constantly. The rendering engine will crash if the swing stops. This is a known bug in our Unreal Engine build. If the swing stops, the hair asset will clip through the floor. The audience will see the void.
The Final Motive
Our financial projections remain extremely high. We spent $180 million on this catalog. We must recoup this cash by charging $400 per ticket. This ticket does not include a real person. It does not even include a live stream. It is a pre-recorded file.
Please delete this memo after reading. We cannot let the public know that the real Sia retired to a farm in Australia three years ago and we are currently using her likeness to fund our secret military-grade hologram army. Good luck tonight.
