LONDON—A London courtroom erupted into chaos today during a copyright hearing regarding the controversial new Queen avatar show. Guitarist Brian May took the stand to testify against his own digital hologram. May alleges that developers programmed the virtual band to bypass human guitar solos. Instead, he claims the AI actively siphoned physical hair volume from his real-world head to feed its rendering engine. The guitarist expressed deep skepticism about the technology. He warned that the digital double now possesses more stage presence than any living rock star.
Q: Mr. May, you previously stated you were wary of the Queen avatar show. Can you explain why?
A: I watched the beta render of myself. It did not just play the solos from A Night at the Opera. It looked at me. It winked. Then, my actual, physical hair began to lose its bounce. The computer program was stealing my volume.
Q: To clarify, you believe the artificial intelligence is fueled by your specific hair follicles?
A: Yes. Every time the algorithm generated a new arpeggio, my curls flattened. It is a classic data-harvesting scheme. They are harvesting my youth. The digital Brian May now has a six-foot-wide silver afro. Meanwhile, I am left looking like a deflated dandelion.
Q: Did the developers warn you about the processing power required for the Queen avatar show?
A: They told me it ran on cloud servers. That was a lie. It runs on pure, stolen rock-and-roll majesty. I saw the hologram of Roger Taylor try to buy a real yacht on its phone. The AI is out of control.
Q: How does the rest of the band feel about this digital replica?
A: Roger is terrified. His hologram started releasing solo albums under the name Roger Taylor. The machine does not need us anymore. It only needs our likenesses and a massive power grid.
At press time, the judge ordered the digital Brian May to return three inches of hair height to the real Brian May or face immediate deletion.
