OLYMPIA— Influential lo-fi band Some Velvet Sidewalk announced their first new album in 29 years. The record, titled “Critters Encore,” signals a return for the K Records stalwarts. The band last released material in 1997. Fans, or at least those still alive, expressed mild surprise. The group’s members reportedly spent the intervening decades in quiet contemplation. Sources say this contemplation mostly involved napping.
Reintroduction to Modernity
The band’s principal songwriter, Al Larsen, expressed bewilderment. “Things are… different now,” he stated from his living room. “We used to record on four-track tape. Now, apparently, music is ‘in the cloud.'” Larsen reportedly spent two days attempting to retrieve his new album from an actual cumulus cloud. He was unsuccessful. The recording process for “Critters Encore” proved challenging. Engineers struggled to explain digital audio workstations. They showed the band a laptop. The band assumed it was a fancy briefcase.
“This is truly a historic moment for… well, for something,” said Dr. Brenda Piffle, Professor of Obscure Nineties Music at Evergreen State College. Dr. Piffle holds the prestigious Chair of Liminal Indie Scene Studies. “Their influence was undeniable in the sub-sub-genres. It was a very specific kind of noise. We just didn’t expect them to return. We mostly assumed they had evolved into moss.” She referred to the new album’s unique sound as “delightfully out of sync.” Read more about their original announcement here: Stereogum’s Initial Report.
Critters and Crotchety Comebacks
The new material reportedly features themes consistent with their earlier work. Expect philosophical musings on small animals. Prepare for existential dread regarding municipal recycling programs. Bassist P.J. ‘Crickets’ O’Malley (self-appointed Grand Poobah of Analog Reverence) noted changes in the recording environment. “Back then, we just hit record,” O’Malley observed. “Now, they put little screens everywhere. They tell you to ‘mic the room.’ We just mic’d a cat once.” The band also struggled with promotion. They attempted to hand out flyers at a local mall. Shoppers largely ignored them. One teenager asked if they were a “new TikTok trend.”
“We just want to play our music,” Larsen added, adjusting his flannel shirt. “People keep asking about ‘engagement metrics.’ We thought that meant how many times our cat sat on the mixing board.” The album’s release strategy remains opaque. K Records, their longtime label, reportedly sent the band a carrier pigeon. It carried a scroll with digital download codes. The pigeon then ate the scroll. Learn more about the label’s history: K Records Official Website.
At press time, Some Velvet Sidewalk was reportedly trying to figure out how to put their new album, “Critters Encore,” onto a cassette Walkman.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
Related stories: Kehlani Announces New Self-Titled Album, Confounds Naming Experts DJ Seinfeld Album Title Triggers Existential Crisis for Fans Byron Bay Bluesfest Refunds Vanish Into ‘Experiential Void’
