MEMORANDUM
TO: All Regional Disposal Officers
FROM: Brenda Vance, VP of Sanitary Public Relations
RE: Soup Activists new album protocols
We must address the upcoming Soup Activists new album, titled Where The Rubbish Goes. The artist behind the project, Martin Meyer, formerly of the punk band Lumpy and the Dumpers, has created a public relations crisis. His new power-pop single "Johnny" asks highly specific questions about our landfill licensing. We cannot let the public think about where things go when they throw them away.
Tactical Containment Procedures
Do not allow your employees to hum the melody to "Johnny" near the compactors. "The hook is highly infectious and threatens to humanize the refuse sector," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. Quill warns that the Soup Activists new album could decrease municipal waste production by four percent. That represents a devastating loss in quarterly dumping fees.
We must flood the local airwaves with louder, more distracting music. If a citizen asks about the Soup Activists new album, tell them the record does not exist. Hand them a glossy brochure about our new recycling bins instead.
The Final Sweep
"We are currently trying to buy the masters of the Soup Activists new album to bury them in a salt mine in Utah," said Vance in a leaked follow-up email. "It is the only logical place for lo-fi pop to go."
Please ensure all garbage trucks play loud, generic white noise to drown out any neighborhood teenagers trying to stream the single. Our business model relies entirely on people forgetting that trash continues to exist after the truck drives away.
