WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a mandatory recall today of the new Classic Traffic single "Ghost's Host" due to a severe, high-risk choking hazard. Federal regulators determined that the song title contains an unsafe concentration of sibilant consonants. Listeners who attempt to say the phrase out loud risk immediate tongue entanglement, jaw lock, and complete vocal tract failure.
Severe Vocal Entanglement Risks Identified
The federal agency issued the urgent safety notice after receiving dozens of incident reports from New Jersey. The state is home to the power-pop band. "We tested the phrase in our lab on high-speed dummy jaws," said Priya Vantablack, Chief Vibes Compliance Officer at TikTok. "The sequential combination of 'ghost' and 'host' caused 98 percent of our mechanical testing units to seize up instantly. The words trip all over themselves coming out of human mouths."
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and radio broadcasts of power-pop single "Ghost's Host". Authorities urge consumers to cease all attempts at pronouncing the track name. Industry experts recommend referring to the song only as 'The Bittersweet Midtempo One with the Fists-Up Chorus' until a safe patch is issued.
Approved Remedies and Consumer Action
"We did not intend to create a public health crisis," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify. "We are working closely with the band's label to implement a digital recall. We might replace the song with a silent track of a man sighing. That is much easier to say." Consumers who purchased the physical single can return it to their local record store for a full refund or exchange it for a song with fewer sibilants.
At press time, the band is refusing to rename the track despite reports of three college DJs locking their jaws permanently during live broadcasts.
