TO: All Staff
FROM: Todd Gloop, VP of Human Decency Verification
RE: Immediate deletion of the unauthorized Suno Mary J. Blige ad campaign
Team, we must act fast. Effective immediately, please scrub the Suno Mary J. Blige ad from all social platforms. We recently discovered a minor administrative oversight. The individual who signed the licensing agreement was not the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul. He was actually a local man named Gary J. Oblige. Gary wore a very convincing trench coat during our Zoom negotiations. He also signed the contract with a sparkly gel pen.
Verify All Future Legends
Our legal department is currently reviewing our vetting procedures. We must ensure this does not happen again. "We believed Gary because he had a very deep voice and wore sunglasses indoors," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. Flense joined our advisory board last week to oversee Suno AI talent relations. "He also promised us the rights to several songs by an artist he called 'The Notorious B.I.G. Boy.' We paid him in Dave & Buster's Power Cards."
Please do not speak to the press about the Suno Mary J. Blige ad. If reporters call, tell them we are pioneering a new form of 'speculative marketing.' We did not mean to infringe on Mary J. Blige or her brand. We simply assumed that if we wished hard enough, the contract would become legally binding.
New Verification Protocols
Moving forward, we will implement stricter identity checks for legacy artists. We can no longer accept Yahoo! Mail addresses as proof of representation. "This is a minor speed bump for generative music," said Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity at OpenAI, who consulted on our crisis response. "We are confident that our upcoming campaign with 'Sir Paul McMcCartney' is ninety percent legitimate."
Please delete all local video files of the campaign. We must pivot immediately. Let us focus our energy on our new, fully authorized partnership with a teenager who claims he owns the rights to the entire catalog of Led Zeppelin. He has a very trustworthy TikTok account.
Best,
Todd Gloop
Sent from my iPhone (Please do not reply to this email, I am currently hiding in a server rack)
