UAE Unveils Giant Lever to Personally Force Strait of Hormuz Open
The UAE announced plans to personally force the Strait of Hormuz open with a colossal, custom-built lever,…
Trump Unveils Revolutionary Iran Peace Proposal: A Single Sticky Note
The Trump administration's 15-point Iran peace proposal was reportedly just a crumpled sticky note with "Chill"…
Invisible Iran Talks Descend into Interpretive Pigeon Diplomacy
Invisible Iran Talks continue via mime, carrier pigeon, and a bewildered dolphin. Both nations vehemently deny…
White House Announces New Strategy for ‘Iran Beyond Control’: Pretending It’s Fine
Amid fears of Iran slipping beyond control, the White House unveils a new strategy: complete and utter denial,…
Trump’s ‘Coalition of the Willing’ to Reopen Strait of Hormuz Consists Solely of Self
President Trump struggled to build a Strait of Hormuz coalition, reportedly seeking advice from trophies and his…
US-China Trade Talks Bog Down Over Panda Cuteness Metrics
PARIS—The latest round of US-China trade talks stalled over disagreements on how to quantify panda cuteness for…
Trump Escapes ‘Escalation Trap’ by Inventing a Bigger, Shinier One
President Trump freed himself from 'Trump's escalation trap' by creating a larger, more complex international…
Americas Shield Summit Unveils Literal, Unwieldy Cardboard Barrier
At the Shield of the Americas Summit, leaders unveiled a colossal cardboard barrier, hailed as impenetrable…
Iran’s Apology Redefined: ‘Sorry, Unless You Start It,’ Says President
Iran's president offered a conditional apology to neighbors, vowing to halt strikes unless provoked. The new…
U.S.-Iran Nuclear Proposal Talks Yield Historic Agreement: More Talks
U.S.-Iran nuclear proposal talks concluded with delegates agreeing to more talks. 'Significant progress' made in…