Trump Secures ‘Winnable War’ After Cuba Agrees to Surrender in Principle
Former President Donald Trump finally secured his long-sought winnable war on Cuba, receiving a conditional…
France Bans Ben Gvir Over Alleged Croissant-Related Incidents
The Ben Gvir France ban was not political, officials claim. Instead, France cited "egregious pastry etiquette…
Thucydides Trap Literally Ensnares Several Prominent Scholars
A literal Thucydides trap has reportedly ensnared several prominent academics, proving the ancient theory more…
Trump China Problems Settled: Earth Reaches Final Level, President Declares
Following his Trump China visit, President Trump declared all global problems "settled." Diplomats are…
Ukraine-Russia Ceasefire Strained as Both Sides Blame Each Other for ‘Mean-Spirited Whistles’
The Ukraine-Russia ceasefire strained. Both sides cited 'passive-aggressive rocket blasts' and 'judgmental…
Putin Pledges Support for Iran, Offers Moral Backing for ‘Whatever’
Putin pledges support for Iran, promising "existential" and "vague" solidarity. The Kremlin offered moral…
Easter Ceasefire Instituted, Combatants Enjoy Mandatory Timeout
An Easter ceasefire saw Russia and Ukraine swap 175 servicemen each. Officials praised the 'mandatory timeout'…
UAE Unveils Giant Lever to Personally Force Strait of Hormuz Open
The UAE announced plans to personally force the Strait of Hormuz open with a colossal, custom-built lever,…
Trump Unveils Revolutionary Iran Peace Proposal: A Single Sticky Note
The Trump administration's 15-point Iran peace proposal was reportedly just a crumpled sticky note with "Chill"…
Invisible Iran Talks Descend into Interpretive Pigeon Diplomacy
Invisible Iran Talks continue via mime, carrier pigeon, and a bewildered dolphin. Both nations vehemently deny…