Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Extracted From Exec Under Oath
A federal antitrust hearing reveals that 'The 5 Best Songs Of The Week' is actually run by a shadowy music industry cartel.
Tagged: Music Criticism (11)
Music
“The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” Declared, Humanity’s Opinions Obsolete
“The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” have been objectively determined by an AI and experts, rendering human opinions irrelevant. Mandatory enjoyment is encouraged.
Music
Panel Unanimously Agrees: The 5 Best Songs Of The Week All Feature Whistling
A prestigious panel of music experts yesterday named The 5 Best Songs Of The Week. All selections shared one surprising characteristic: they exclusively featured whistling.
Music
Music Critics Announce ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week’ Are All Just Different Frequencies
International Council of Music Assessment declares ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week’ are just curated sound frequencies, confusing listeners and redefining music.
Music
Elvis Costello Knocks Oasis, Defends Olivia Rodrigo’s Musical Prowess
Elvis Costello slammed Oasis, calling them ‘hack,’ while defending Olivia Rodrigo’s ‘authentic angst.’
Music
Critics Unveil ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week,’ Audience Suffers Minor Eardrum Bleeding
A prestigious panel announced ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week,’ chosen by algorithm and hamsters. Listeners reported apathy, mild discomfort.
Music
5 Best Songs Of The Week Declared ‘Good Enough To Hear’
Stereogum’s list of the 5 best songs of the week features music that is audibly, demonstrably, a song.
Music
Critics Crown ‘The 5 Best Songs Of The Week,’ Audience Confused By Buzzing
Music critics announced The 5 Best Songs Of The Week are all silence, baffling listeners and sending the music industry into a tailspin.
Music
Global Music Authorities Struggle to Select The 5 Best Songs Of The Week; Earth’s Rotation Slows
Global music critics are buckling under the impossible task of selecting The 5 Best Songs Of The Week, leading to international panic and a global music moratorium.
Music
Dave Davies Defends ‘Lola’ Transphobia Claims: ‘Moby’s Never Been To A Drag Show’
Dave Davies defended The Kinks’ ‘Lola’ from Moby’s transphobia claims, suggesting Moby doesn’t understand drag.
Music
Critics Declare Nation’s ‘5 Best Songs Of The Week’ Undecidable
Music critics have declared the concept of “The 5 Best Songs Of The Week” an impossible task, citing an overwhelming deluge of indistinguishable new releases and public apathy.