WASHINGTON—Former President Donald J. Trump filed an emergency appeal this week. He sought to continue construction on his partially built White House ballroom. This followed a recent court order halting the project. Sources close to the former president confirmed his urgent need. He reportedly wishes to host a series of “very, very big, tremendous” dance parties. The current administration had halted the project.
A Ballroom of “Historic Proportions”
“The former President is a visionary,” stated Skip ‘The Shuffle’ Johnson, Chief Choreography Officer for Trump Holdings. “He envisions a White House ballroom of historic proportions. It will be the greatest dance floor ever built. No expense was spared on the sub-basement dance matting.” Johnson referenced plans for a subterranean bunker. This bunker would house a massive military bunker directly beneath the proposed dance hall. Critics question the dual-purpose nature of the construction.
Construction began in 2020. It aimed to expand the East Wing. Initial permits cited “routine infrastructure upgrades.” Details later emerged about the grand scale. Plans included gold-leafed disco balls. Also featured were LED floor panels and a retractable DJ booth. The project faced increasing scrutiny. Opponents argued it was an extravagant personal endeavor. It diverted resources from pressing national issues.
The Urgent Need for Dance
“This isn’t about luxury,” insisted Marla Glimmer, President of Americans for a More Dance-Enabled Presidency. “This is about national morale. Imagine the Former President leading a cha-cha. It would inspire millions. He has a unique rhythm, a very strong, powerful rhythm.” Glimmer pointed to polling data. It showed a slight uptick in public desire for presidential dance moves. The former President himself has often spoken of his “natural grace.” He claims he “could have been a professional dancer, easily.”
The legal team argued for immediate resumption. They cited “irreparable harm” to the former President’s “artistic expression.” They also mentioned potential “cultural stagnation.” Delays could jeopardize planned holiday galas. These galas were already in early conceptual stages. One rumored event, “The Great Gatsby of Mar-a-Lago West,” was particularly at risk. The former President is keen to christen the White House ballroom soon.
At press time, architects discovered the ballroom’s foundation was, in fact, just a very large, gilded hot tub.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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