BROOKLYN—Local electroclash revivalists Rare DM reported Monday that their band practices have been going through the fucking ceiling. The phenomenon began last week. It coincided with the release of the band’s new album, “Attention.” The band utilizes a unique blend of goth-adjacent and bloghouse-influenced sounds. This has apparently caused their rehearsal space to reach unprecedented vibrational frequencies. “We just started playing, and the plaster overhead began to crumble,” said lead singer and theremin virtuoso Brenda McFartnugget. “By the second chorus, small fissures had formed. We thought it was part of the sound.” The band has long been associated with the dark wave aesthetic. Sources close to the band confirmed that their sound is indeed electronica sun and moon. But no one anticipated this level of physical manifestation.
A Hole Lotta Love
Engineers consulted by the band expressed bewilderment. “I’ve seen buildings shake from earthquakes, from construction, even from poorly mixed bass,” said structural engineer Gary ‘The Stud’ Studebaker, Chief Vibrational Analyst for Manhattan Preservation Society. “But this? This is new. It’s like the sound waves have achieved sentience. And a vendetta.” McFartnugget remained unconcerned. She noted that the ceiling was already in poor condition. She also mentioned that the increased dust added to the ambiance. “It really enhances the mood. Like a smoky club, but it’s just us, and it’s falling on us,” she explained. The band plans to continue their tour. They are looking for venues with reinforced ceilings. Or perhaps open-air spaces. “We could play in a quarry,” McFartnugget mused. “Really let the sound breathe. And fall.”
DIY Demolition
The band’s manager, Chad Broheim, insisted the ceiling issue was a positive development. “This is what authentic artistry looks like. It’s going through the fucking ceiling, literally. It’s so meta,” Broheim stated from his office. He was reportedly standing on a small pile of fallen plaster for added emphasis. He added that ticket sales have quadrupled. Fans are eager to witness the sonic demolition firsthand. Some have even brought hard hats as fashion accessories. The band’s next show is scheduled for next Tuesday. The venue is reportedly installing extra support beams. They are also considering a waiver for attendees. This would absolve them of responsibility for falling debris. Rare DM’s music is truly breaking through. The ceiling is just the first barrier. At press time, the band was considering a rooftop performance. They wanted to test the laws of gravity.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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