WASHINGTON—The iconic Reflecting Pool is now “in full use,” sources close to former President Donald Trump confirmed Monday. This usage comes after extensive renovations. The upgrades allegedly transformed the historic landmark into a sprawling 18-hole miniature golf course. Critics quickly questioned the definition of “full use.” They also noted the distinct scent of chlorine and artificial turf. Experts had previously explored various methods for water quality, including nanobubblers, before the golf course transformation.
Workers recently completed the “Washington D.C. National Monument Mini-Golf Course.” This project coincided with ongoing work at a nearby Trump golf course. The former President insisted the Reflecting Pool Golf Course was a separate, essential civic improvement. He touted its potential for “tremendous family fun.”
A New Vision for Public Monuments
“I don’t recall authorizing a giant put-put course around the Lincoln Memorial,” stated Dr. Eleanor Vance, Lead Historian for the National Parks Service, squinting at a newly installed windmill near the Washington Monument. “Our records show plans for water filtration, not water features with animated gators.” Dr. Vance expressed concern over the historical accuracy of a course featuring a replica of Air Force One as its 12th hole. The project reportedly cost taxpayers billions. Read more on the original pool’s purpose here.
Tourists arrived expecting serene waters. Instead, they found long lines for putters and scorecards. The new greens featured miniature versions of other D.C. landmarks. These included a tiny Capitol Building with a removable dome. Ball retrieval proved challenging in the deeper sections of the Reflecting Pool Golf Course.
Unforeseen Consequences
“My golf ball landed in Honest Abe’s lap,” complained Mildred Periwinkle, 78, a retired kindergarten teacher from Ohio and self-proclaimed “mini-golf enthusiast.” “He just sat there, judging me. It’s not relaxing. And where did all this green dye come from?” Security personnel quickly escorted Ms. Periwinkle away. She continued to lament the course’s excessive difficulty.
The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, traditionally a site for solemn reflection, now echoes with shouts of “Fore!” and the clatter of plastic balls. Officials from various agencies remained baffled. They cited conflicting orders and missing blueprints. The D.C. Parks Department refused further comment.
At press time, a group of geese attempted to navigate the 7th hole, reportedly mistaking a miniature Jefferson Memorial for a giant breadcrumb.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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