Khanna Expresses Disappointment About Massie’s Defeat, Cites Lack of Existential Dread
Rep. Ro Khanna mourned Thomas Massie's defeat, citing a lack of existential dread. He called it a loss for…
DHS Causes Unforeseen Homeland Security Anxiety in Lawmakers
A new report reveals that Homeland Security's efforts have inadvertently triggered widespread Homeland Security…
House Republicans Scrap Vote To Rein In Trump’s War In Iran, Cite ‘Better Ideas’
House Republicans scrap vote to rein in Trump's war in Iran, prioritizing beige paint and snack options.
National Mall Prayer Event Erects Literal Church and State Wall
A National Mall prayer event inadvertently materialized the symbolic wall between church and state into a…
DOJ Drops Jerome Powell Probe, Citing Novel Distraction
The DOJ drops criminal probe into Fed chair Jerome Powell after agents became engrossed in an unexpected,…
Ekko Astral Announces Live Album To Distract From Internal Strife
Ekko Astral drops live album 'fuck this band' amidst internal turmoil, offering a distraction from their ongoing drama.
Judge Rejects DOJ Bid to Reinstate Powell Subpoenas
Judge rejects DOJ bid to reinstate Powell subpoenas for the Fed. Jerome Powell remains un-subpoenaed, much to…
Judge Halts White House Effort To Collect University Data On Applicants’ Race
Judge halts White House effort to collect university data on applicants' race. Administration claims it was for…
Metro Bus Demands Indoor Seating After Crashing DC Restaurant
A Metro bus restaurant crash in Northwest D.C. has been reclassified as an "immersive dining experience" by city…
Trump’s Iran War Defense Unlocks New Flavors of Democracy
President Donald J. Trump's Iran war defense activated subterranean fungi, boosting national pickle reserves.…