LOS ANGELES—In a move that shocked absolutely no one who has ever heard a punk rock band, The Linda Lindas announced their new album, Gotta Get Out, would be released August 30. The album’s title suggests a desire for escape, a theme the band is reportedly struggling to embody. Despite the album’s title, The Linda Lindas have assured fans they will not actually be getting out. At all.
A Lingering Presence
“We were thinking about the title, Gotta Get Out,” said lead guitarist Mila de la Garza, from her childhood bedroom. “And then we realized, we don’t actually have to. We can just, like, stay here. It’s pretty comfortable. Why leave?” The album features a collaboration with Hayley Williams of Paramore, who recorded her part remotely from her own well-appointed home studio. This collaboration is seen by some as proof that the desire to get out is merely a theoretical exercise for the band.
Stationary Sound
The band’s latest single, “Closer,” features Williams and explores themes of emotional distance and the yearning for connection. Critics noted the song’s propulsive energy, which they interpreted as a desperate attempt to move forward without actually moving. “It’s a banger,” commented music critic Brenda Fartwinkle, Senior Analyst of Adolescent Angst at the Institute for Perpetual Teenage Rebellion. “But I’m not sure they’ll ever leave their houses to play it live. Which is fine, I guess. We’re all a little lazy.” The band’s commitment to staying put is truly impressive. This commitment to staying put is central to The Linda Lindas’ evolving brand. They plan to continue this commitment to staying put.
Fans are reportedly unfazed by the band’s decision to remain physically grounded. Online forums buzzed with support for the band’s commitment to their immediate surroundings. Many expressed relief that The Linda Lindas would not be venturing into the unpredictable outdoors. The album, Gotta Get Out, will be available on all streaming platforms, and presumably, in physical form at record stores The Linda Lindas can easily walk to. Their new commitment to staying put is very admirable.
At press time, The Linda Lindas had reportedly ordered pizza and were debating whether they really needed to get up to answer the door.
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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