AMSTERDAM—Researchers at the Netherlands Institute for Sleep Studies recently launched a controversial project using the new single Aluna "Moaning" to push human endurance to its absolute limits. The track, which features Dutch producer Jengi, has allegedly prevented test subjects from sleeping for seven consecutive days. Researchers claim the song is simply too catchy for the brain to shut down.
1. The BPM Counteracts Melatonin
The upbeat tempo of the Aluna "Moaning" single actively fights the body's natural sleep cycle. "The bassline overrides the brain's circadian rhythm," said Dr. Pieter de Vries, Lead Auditor of Auditory Exhaustion at the Amsterdam Sleep Clinic. "Subjects attempted to sleep but began involuntarily shuffling their feet under the blankets."
2. Highly Scintillating Frequencies
Researchers noted the song acts as a stimulant. "We tried playing soft rain sounds," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "But the test subjects kept demanding we turn the Aluna 'Moaning' track back on."
3. Involuntary Bedroom Dancing
The study found a direct link between the track and nocturnal movement. Subjects did not experience typical wet dreams. Instead, they experienced highly coordinated, fully awake dance routines in their sleep laboratories.
4. Chronic Earworm Syndrome
After three days of exposure, the vocal hooks permanently lodged themselves in the frontal lobe of all twelve participants. Scientists confirmed that even during silent periods, the subjects could still hear the house beat echoing in their skulls.
5. The Final Cure For Insomnia Is Actually Just More Techno
In a shocking twist, scientists concluded the only way to cure the sleep deprivation was to play the song at double speed until the subjects passed out from exhaustion. At press time, the research team announced they would test the physical limits of the human body next week using Aluna's previous album MYCELiUM.
