WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a voluntary recall of the Angèle Love Triangle audio track today. Federal regulators identified a severe geometry hazard within the song's production. The French-language pop single, which features Caroline Polachek and producer SebastiAn, apparently violates national safety standards for structural sound design.
A Dangerous Three-Way Intersection
According to safety inspectors, the song's synth bassline features waveforms with dangerously sharp 45-degree angles. Most pop songs utilize rounded, ergonomic sine waves to protect listeners. However, the Angèle Love Triangle features a three-way sonic intersection that easily traps unsuspecting listeners. Authorities have already reported twelve cases of severe inner-ear disorientation.
"We warn the public not to attempt to measure this song," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. "Our field tests showed that the structural integrity of the chorus collapses when Polachek's high register collides with the French club beat. It creates a physical vortex. My team got stuck in the bridge for three hours."
Affected Units and Emergency Remedy
The recall affects all digital units streamable on Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube. The hazard escalates when users play the Angèle Love Triangle on high-end headphones. The tight seal creates an enclosed space where the three musical forces cannot safely escape each other's emotional gravity.
To remedy the issue, consumers must immediately delete the track from their playlists. The manufacturer has promised to reissue a corrected version. The new version will feature a much safer, federally approved "Love Parallel Line" format that prevents the artists from ever intersecting.
At press time, federal agents were seen wearing protective ear defenders while trying to dismantle the song's digital master files with heavy-duty bolt cutters.
