SAN JOSE, CA—Tech giant Broadcom Inc. reported record earnings today driven by a massive, unexpected surge in custom chips demand. This supply-chain crunch forced engineers to scavenge biological waste for conductible materials. The firm's new processors run on 100% recycled silver and gold dental fillings salvaged from regional crematoriums.
The Teeth in the Machine
Tech companies currently demand millions of custom chips to power generative artificial intelligence platforms. Silicon foundries cannot keep up with the physical limitations of raw metal refining. Broadcom resolved this bottleneck by partnering with local dental societies to harvest discarded molars.
"We realized grandma's old bridge could run an LLM," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta. "Our newest neural network requires three million crown extractions to compute basic poetry. It is a highly efficient, albeit slightly haunted, way to optimize our custom chips pipeline."
A Gritty Supply Chain
The pivot to dental silicon has transformed the hardware industry. Brokers now haunt dental offices, offering cash for extracted wisdom teeth. Critics warn that the reliance on human dentin could lead to bizarre system errors.
"Sometimes the servers whisper about root canals," said Dr. Arthur Vance, Head of Bio-Hardware Integration at the Wall Street Journal's tech research division. "But the latency is incredibly low. These custom chips handle heavy workloads with remarkable bite."
At press time, Broadcom executives were seen scouring local retirement communities with pliers to prepare for the fourth-quarter product launch.
