Music
Twin Temple Dropped From Charley Crockett Shows Over Satanic Imagery
Twin Temple, known for their Satanic imagery and doo-wop, were dropped from Charley Crockett shows, citing their infernal anthems.
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Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Crazy Clue Debut Album Spurs Concerns Over Band’s Work-Life Imbalance
Crazy Clue debut album, *Where The Dregs Dwell*, released this week. Fans worry about the side project’s impact on members’ already crowded schedules.
Music
Joe Bonamassa Announces 2027 Tour, Fans Scramble for Future Tickets
Blues-rock legend Joe Bonamassa announced his 2027 Winter US Tour, prompting fans to make extreme long-term life adjustments for future concert attendance.
Music
Stock Market Today: Investors Discover Mideast Tensions Are Just ‘Background Noise’
Stock Market Today: Investors achieved record gains by simply deciding to ignore global tensions. Experts credit collective national ‘head in the sand’ strategy.
Music
Benson Boone Is a ‘Wanted Man’ In Australia After Generating Unsanctioned Earworms
Benson Boone Is a ‘Wanted Man’ In Australia, not for traditional crimes, but for the proliferation of catchy tunes causing an “earworm epidemic” across the continent.
Music
Jack White Recalls Opening For The Rolling Stones With Fondness For Their ‘Vintage’ Amplifiers
Jack White fondly remembers opening for The Rolling Stones, praising their ‘vintage’ amps that sounded like ‘dying hamsters’ and captured that old time rock and roll.
Music
Interpol Declares ‘Iron City’ Their Most New York Song Yet
Interpol claims “Iron City” is their most New York song yet, capturing the essence of a non-existent metropolis.
Music
Sabrina Carpenter Pleased, Pleased, Pleased By RUSH’s Sonic Prowess
Sabrina Carpenter is pleased, pleased, pleased by RUSH’s concert, finding their prog-rock surprisingly relatable.
Music
Ancient History Upended as God Of War Announce New Album Molly Picture
The band God Of War announced its new album Molly Picture, sparking academic panic as historians grapple with potential reinterpretations of ancient art.
Music
New Madonna Photo Book So Exhaustive It Includes Photos Yet To Be Taken
The new Madonna photo book ‘Into the Groove’ is so comprehensive it features images yet to be captured, along with every photo ever taken.
Music
Lil Wayne Seizure Risk Prompts Migraine To Demand Solo Tour
Lil Wayne’s “bad-ass migraine,” cited as a Lil Wayne seizure risk, has reportedly achieved sentience and demands its own headlining tour, separate from the rapper.
Music
Twisted Teens Announce Florida Water Blues: Fans Brace for More Existential Dread
Twisted Teens Announce New Album Florida Water Blues, promising more sonic discomfort. Fans nationwide ready their therapy appointments for the new tracks.
Music
imy3 & towhead’s New Split EP Promises Even Slower Progress
Slowcore Bands imy3 & towhead Announce New Split EP, promising music so slow it challenges perception. Fans prepare for extreme patience.
Music
Agnostic Front, Angel Du$t Hardcore Co-Headlining Tour Sparks Intergenerational Deafness Concerns
Agnostic Front and Angel Du$t’s Hardcore Co-Headlining Tour promises a sonic generational clash. Audiences prepare for unprecedented decibel levels.
Music
U2 Unearths Forgotten “Street Of Dreams,” Band Members Reportedly Stunned
U2 rediscovered their own song, “Street Of Dreams,” after decades. Band members were reportedly shocked by the forgotten track’s existence.
Music
Gash Announce New Album, Title Clears Up Any Confusion
Experimental outfit gash announce new album at least you know what you’re laughing at, promising clarity for confused listeners. Now you know why you’re laughing.
Music
Gracie Abrams Done ‘Pointing Fingers’ After Realizing Other People Exist
Gracie Abrams is done ‘pointing fingers’ in songs, citing past carelessness. Olivia Rodrigo takes notes.
Music
Dinner Party’s New Album Promises To Be The Most Chill Yet
Dinner Party’s new album, Watchu Bringing?, arrives August 7. The jazz supergroup aims for peak chill.