Music
Nick Hakim’s ‘Endlessly Waiting’ Causes Existential Crisis In Listeners
Nick Hakim’s new single ‘Endlessly Waiting’ causes listeners to question life’s purpose. Existential dread is the new vibe.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Sam Fender & Olivia Dean’s ‘Rein Me In’ Sets New UK Record For Longest #1 By Brits
Sam Fender & Olivia Dean’s ‘Rein Me In’ is the UK’s new longest-running #1 single by British artists, baffling everyone.
Music
The Linda Lindas Announce Gotta Get Out, Promise Not To Get Out
The Linda Lindas announce new album Gotta Get Out, but pledge to remain physically stationary.
Music
Benny Blanco Announces New Album Hermoso, Unveils Single ‘Joven y Salvaje’
Benny Blanco announced his new album Hermoso and the single ‘Joven y Salvaje’ featuring Bb trickz. The producer is reportedly collaborating with TikTok stars.
Music
John Summit’s Latest Twitter Beef Is With Pete Tong Over Remix
John Summit’s latest Twitter beef is with Pete Tong over a remix. Tong retaliated with ‘receipts,’ adding to the DJ’s recent online spats.
Music
B-52’s Mesopotamia Reissue Unearths Archaic Tunes, Band Members Report Mild Surprise
The B-52’s Mesopotamia Reissue brings forgotten tracks to light, prompting band members and fans alike to question its very existence.
Music
Cage the Elephant Signs With Big Loud Rock, Immediately Causes Structural Damage
Cage the Elephant Signs With Big Loud Rock, causing actual elephants to join the band and shattering every speaker in Nashville. New single ‘Beaches in Tennessee’ features literal sand.
Music
Montreux Jazz Festival Now Offers Full-Time Residency, Pet Grooming
The Montreux Jazz Festival has redefined “feeling at home,” now offering luxury artist residencies complete with sourdough starters and therapeutic goat interactions.
Music
Samsung’s Galaxy Z Fold 8 Unveiling Warps Spacetime, Confounds Spider-Man
Samsung’s new Galaxy Z Fold 8 phone is so wide it warps spacetime and briefly trapped Spider-Man, forcing users to carry a localized singularity generator.
Music
Platner’s Graceless Exit Video Deemed ‘Masterclass in Blame-Shifting’
Graham Platner’s graceless exit video has become a mandatory curriculum at a local university, teaching future politicians the art of blame-shifting.
Music
Meaningful Stone’s ‘1+1=0’ Single Triggers Global Math Crisis
Meaningful Stone’s ‘1+1=0’ single has plunged the world into a mathematical crisis, leaving calculators broken and experts scrambling to redefine basic arithmetic.
Music
The Rolling Stones Roll On With ‘Foreign Tongues,’ Only Mumble Obscure Dialects
The Rolling Stones Roll On With ‘Foreign Tongues,’ delivering an album of unintelligible gibberish praised by critics as ‘brave’ and ‘linguistically adventurous.’
Music
Remaining Four Original Faust Members Announce Four New Albums: A Cacophony of Solos
The Remaining Four Original Faust Members Announce Four New Albums, simultaneously. Critics predict a groundbreaking experiment or four separate, impenetrable artistic statements.
Music
L’Rain Plots Tour, Enlists Arooj Aftab for Mystical New Video
L’Rain plots tour and releases mystical new video featuring Arooj Aftab, Cécile McLorin Salvant, and Tasha. Critics are already drafting reviews.
Music
Yungblud Drops Off Cowboys Fest After Addressing ‘Industry Plant’ Accusations
Yungblud withdrew from a music festival after addressing ‘industry plant’ accusations. He cited emotional distress from the false claims.
Music
Hannah Cole’s ‘Switchbacks’ Album Promises Existential Dread
Hannah Cole’s debut album ‘Switchbacks’ arrives in September. Lead single ‘MMA’ blends banjo with bleak lyrics.
Music
Slayr Announces Avant Nova EP, Promises Existential Dread
Slayr’s Avant Nova EP is set to explore existential dread and the void. His tour will visit conceptually relevant locations.
Music
Spoon Bring Out Hamilton Leithauser, Britt Daniel Joins Bodega in Unsettling Display
Central Park concertgoers witnessed Spoon Bring Out Hamilton Leithauser, and Britt Daniel Joins Bodega, in what many called “awkward musical interventions.”