TO: All Rockstar Games Music Curation Staff
FROM: Gary Vane, VP of Algorithmic Immersion
RE: Emergency Protocol Regarding GTA VI Hot 100 Debuts
Team, we have a crisis. Our latest game trailer caused King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard to enter the Billboard charts. The band scored their first entry at No. 62. This was a catastrophic oversight. We designed the radio stations for background noise. We did not design them to make niche Australian micro-genres commercially viable.
Immediate Licensing Restraints
Effective immediately, all future soundtrack selections must undergo strict commercial toxicity screens. We cannot risk more GTA VI Hot 100 debuts for bands with thirty studio albums. It ruins our edgy reputation. 'We accidentally turned a fourteen-minute synth jam into a Top 40 hit,' said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. 'Gamers are now humming microtonal banana riffs in public. It is a total operational failure.'
Furthermore, we must address the collaborative track featuring Justice, Tame Impala, and SZA. Radio programmers are confused. They do not know which demographic to target. Our goal was simple digital world-building. We never intended to manipulate the actual music industry this severely.
Required Corrective Actions
Moving forward, please replace all experimental psych-rock files with generic corporate royalty-free EDM. We must prevent further GTA VI Hot 100 debuts at all costs. Check the current Billboard Hot 100 standings hourly. If another prog-metal jam tracks toward the charts, pull the server plug.
Sincerely,
Gary Vane
Dictated but not read while buying shares in microtonal guitar manufacturers
