Music
The Avalanches Release Single “Together” and World Declares It “Nice”
The Avalanches’ new single “Together” is out. Listeners are calling it “a song” and “nice.” The duo continues to make music.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Drake’s 18 ‘Iceman’ Videos Unveiled: A Monumental Achievement In Viewer Endurance
Drake dropped 18 ‘Iceman’ music videos. Fans are both amazed and exhausted by the epic visual undertaking. A true test of modern attention spans.
Music
Swatch Store Closures Ignite Global Panic, Threatening Civilization’s Fabric
Global panic erupts as Swatch store closures leave humanity without a coherent concept of time. Experts warn society’s fabric is unraveling.
Music
Lykke Li’s ‘I Follow Rivers’ Floats To Drake’s ‘Iceman’ Like A Drunk Swan
Lykke Li’s ‘I Follow Rivers’ lands on Drake’s album, proving songs have a life of their own.
Music
Committee Declares ‘Any Five Songs’ Are Best Songs of the Week
Committee tasked with selecting the Best Songs of the Week admits to picking tracks at random, citing “general musical indifference.”
Music
Hum Live Debuts Trigger Mass Nostalgia-Induced Comas at Slide Away 2026
Hum Live Debuts at Slide Away 2026 plunged attendees into temporal confusion, causing mass age regression and a sudden craving for mid-90s flannel.
Music
Cohen Reelection Bid Ends After District Becomes Sentient, Demands New Rep
Democratic Rep. Steve Cohen’s reelection bid in Tennessee ended after his newly redistricted constituency gained sentience, demanding a new human representative.
Music
Texas Detransition Clinic to Unveil “Personal Reset” Button
Texas Children’s Hospital is opening the nation’s first detransition clinic, featuring a ‘Personal Reset’ button for instant identity changes. It’s like Ctrl+Z for life choices.
Music
Chrome Hearts Lawsuit Dismissed After Brand Realizes Neil Young is Not a Scarf
The Chrome Hearts lawsuit against Neil Young has been dismissed. The luxury brand confused the rocker’s band for a new line of artisanal denim.
Music
Childers, May Cover ‘Planting By The Signs,’ Sparking Agricultural Revolution
Experts Scramble To Explain Unprecedented Crop Yields Following Duo’s Rendition.
Music
Spotify Raises Premium Prices, Canadians Still Too Polite To Complain
Spotify Raises Premium Prices in Canada, prompting subscribers to embrace the new costs with an almost unnatural politeness and sense of national duty, experts observe.
Music
Xbox & J-Pop Festival Unveil Sung Kang’s ‘Fast & Furious’ Apron Line
Gamers and J-Pop enthusiasts will finally look ‘Tokyo Drift’ chic while doing dishes.
Music
Drake’s Record Streaming Day Forces Global Pause on All Other Audio
Drake set a 2026 Spotify record for most-streamed artist, album, and song in a single day. The unprecedented listenership caused widespread auditory fatigue.
Music
Finland’s PM Lost After Voters Prioritized Proper Penmanship
Analysts confirmed why Finland’s PM lost her re-election bid, citing voters’ deep-seated demand for impeccable penmanship and legible ‘e’s from national leaders.
Music
Clairo Details Progress On Fourth Album, Admits ‘It’s Different’
Clairo’s fourth album is reportedly ‘very different.’ The artist is documenting inspiration and plans for it to sound ‘less like me, more like a fax machine.’
Music
Drake’s ‘Iceman’ Album Features 3 Hours of Pure Disappointment
Drake’s ‘Iceman’ album shatters records with a 3-hour runtime. Listeners endure endless disses, but find no actual ice.
Music
Drake Drops Three Albums At Once, Fans Mildly Confused
Drake stunned the world by dropping three albums: Iceman, Habibti, and Maid of Honour. Fans are overwhelmed by the triple album drop.
Music
Drake Drops Iceman Album After Leaving It In Block Of Ice
Drake finally dropped Iceman after hiding it in a block of ice. He also released two other albums, leaving fans to chip away.