Music
Kelsey Lu Better Than That Soothing Melody Causes Mass Coma
“Kelsey Lu Better Than That” featuring Sampha has plunged the world into a state of profound, unmotivated relaxation, rendering global citizens too chill to function.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo El Clásico Jersey Requires Fans to Prove Worthiness
Olivia Rodrigo’s new El Clásico jersey comes with unprecedented access, but only if fans can complete a series of physical challenges.
Music
Yellowcard & Good Charlotte Top Charts With ‘Bedroom Posters’
Yellowcard and Good Charlotte’s ‘Bedroom Posters’ hits No. 1, proving nostalgia is the ultimate chart-topper.
Music
Kacey Musgraves’ ‘Middle of Nowhere’ Album Is Exactly Where Country Fans Left It
Kacey Musgraves’ new album ‘Middle of Nowhere’ is here. Fans report feeling lost, but in a good, country music way.
Music
Isaiah Rashad Releases “Boy In Red” With SZA, Proving Music Still Exists
Isaiah Rashad and SZA release new song “Boy In Red,” proving music creation is still a thing. Fans react to the avant-garde track.
Music
Lindsey Buckingham Inspired By Sombér, Credits Viral “Silver Springs” Video
Lindsey Buckingham says a viral “Silver Springs” video inspires his new music, focusing on somber bar aesthetics.
Music
Halsey Has More Tricks Up Her Sleeve With Deluxe Impersonator Release
Halsey has more tricks up her sleeve with ‘The Great Impersonator’ deluxe. Five new songs added to the artist’s legacy of mystifying music.
Music
Bruce Hornsby’s Debut Album Turns 40, Celebrated With Piano Solo
Bruce Hornsby’s ‘The Way It Is’ turns 40. He celebrated by playing one note on ‘Fallon’. Critics call it profound.
Music
JPEGMAFIA Announces Experimental Rap Tour, Album Features Unheard Sounds
JPEGMAFIA announced his new experimental rap album ‘Vampire Hunting’ and tour. Expect ‘pretty screams’ and gnome microphones.
Music
Finn Wolfhard’s Fire From The Hip Album Unearths Unforeseen Societal Shifts
Finn Wolfhard’s Fire From The Hip album has reportedly caused spatial distortions, forced collaborations, and widespread existential dread. Scientists are baffled.
Music
Kacey Musgraves Visits Nowhere on ‘Dehydrated’ Tour
Kacey Musgraves Visits Nowhere: Her ‘Deeper Well’ tour adds an unmapped Nebraska stop. Fans must navigate uncharted territory for ultimate seclusion.
Music
TikTok Campus Hub Leaves Students Feeling Over-Connected, Under-Rested
TikTok Campus Hub, designed to connect students, has instead left them feeling perpetually logged in and utterly exhausted by relentless virtual campus life.
Music
Madonna’s ‘Bring Your Love’ Feat. Sabrina Carpenter Raises Existential Questions
Madonna’s ‘Bring Your Love’ feat. Sabrina Carpenter drops, sparking existential debates on love and connection. What does it mean to ‘bring your love’?
Music
Lividus Lives: Uta Plotkin’s Return Prompts Re-Evaluation of All Reality
Lividus Lives: The Return Of Uta Plotkin has irrevocably altered space-time, prompting scientists to reorganize socks and metalheads to question reality.
Music
Sanna Marin’s Defeat Blamed on Public’s Log-Rolling Fury
Sanna Marin’s defeat in Finland’s elections wasn’t about policy, say experts. Voters were reportedly furious over the government’s perceived neglect of competitive log-rolling.
Music
Madeon Announces Victory Album, Finally Cures Existential Dread
Madeon’s new album ‘Victory’ is set for release. The producer aims to capture the triumph of minor achievements, like IKEA assembly.
Music
Bear McCreary Announces New Album, Promises Existential Dread
Bear McCreary’s new album ‘Celestial Dirge’ features rock legends and promises existential dread. The ‘Black Box’ single drops soon.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Announces Unraveled Tour With Fellow Indie Darlings
Olivia Rodrigo’s Unraveled Tour features indie darlings like Wolf Alice and The Last Dinner Party as openers, continuing her tradition of elevating lesser-known acts.