MIAMI— A federal courtroom opened proceedings Monday regarding the sudden arrival of Brazilian political figures in South Florida. The following transcript details questioning regarding the relocation of Flávio Bolsonaro following recent political developments.
Q: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
A: My name is Arthur Vance. I serve as Chief Relocation Specialist for the International Defeated Politician Sanctuary Network.
Q: Mr. Vance, why did Flávio Bolsonaro flee to Miami immediately after the election loss?
A: It is standard protocol. Florida offers the exact atmospheric humidity required to sustain displaced right-wing dynasties.
Q: Is it true your organization books these flights before the votes are even counted?
A: We operate on probability. When a populist loses, our Miami automated reservation system triggers instantly. We hold fifty seats on every outbound flight from Brasília.
Q: So an entire industry exists solely to transport panicked foreign officials to suburban Florida shopping malls?
A: Yes. We partner directly with gated communities in Doral. We provide discounted flip-flops, emergency golf carts, and fast-track access to U.S. Department of State asylum waivers.
Q: Are you saying major airlines intentionally profit from political instability by inflating fare prices to airport hubs in Florida?
A: Absolutely. It is our most profitable quarter. Every time an election result drops, our stock soars. We recently added a direct terminal for ousted cabinet members.
